


Burnt Soul

by EmotionsofInk



Category: League of Legends RPF
Genre: Blood and Injury, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Multi, Secrets secrets and more secrets, Stubborn Danish midlaners, Team Bonding, soul marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-11-18
Packaged: 2019-12-29 18:24:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 34,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18299642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmotionsofInk/pseuds/EmotionsofInk
Summary: The moment the mark appeared on his back he knew that if he ever fell in love, it would be the death of him.





	1. Red

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my newest creation, which is my take on the good old Soul Mark AU. :) This is going to be linked a lot of colours of marks and what they mean. This one is focused on TL and their dynamic which is a little different in this AU environment but wonderful to write.
> 
> Any and all feedback of all kind is greatly appreciated - and please feel free to ask any questions :)

_There are those unlucky few that have Soul-marks stained in a blistering dark red, looking like a burned scar, these marks are called death-marks, love that is doomed to end in pain._

Before this year he could count on one hand the amount of people that knew about his mark, he had been careful about it, hidden, as cold as possible. And now, because of one stupid moment that number of people had more than doubled. A part of him wanted to be thankful, now his new team knew why he was such a cold person, but still – he hated that the secret he had kept so close to his heart had been brought to light so easily.

He had come back from Denmark with a cold, something simple at first, something he ignored. He picked up all his things from the C9 house, said goodbye to some of his best friend and just left. Making his way to the Liquid apartments as soon as possible. All Nicolaj wanted to do was sleep and ignore all the negativity, but he wasn’t going to get it.

“Welcome to the team!”

Apparently, Liquid didn’t do anything in small steps or half measures, he was dragged to a welcome party by Impact and found himself interacting with his whole team and those important to them. He pushed back the headache that was beginning to sneak into his mind.

“I was not about to let you become a closed of hermit in this team as well Jensen, right off the start – you are socializing, I am making sure of it.”

“Pact, why do you do this to me?”

“Because maybe you wouldn’t hate people if you actually spent time with them.”

“I don’t hate people, it’s not my fault that they take my indifference as hate.”

Impact laughed at this, “Yeah tell that to all the people that you have pushed away.”

“Is it still personal if I do it to everyone?”

“Yes!”

“Hey what’s this – just because your ex-team mates don’t mean you get to have all of the time with him, you know.” It was Peter that walked up to them, his arm slung around his jungler. 

The position clearly showed off Peter’s mark on his inner wrist. A beautiful deep blue in colour, it was a crescent moon, with a split down the middle. The blue indicated that he would be loved by many people, the split indicating that the AD had not one, but two soul-mates.

Nicolaj vaguely found himself feeling a stinging pain of jealousy.

“I’m not keeping him to myself, I am just making sure he doesn’t flake out.”

“This is your welcoming party – why would you leave?”

Nicolaj folded his arms across his chest and glared at Jake for this question. “I’m tired, sick and would really rather be left alone so I can go and sleep.”

“Is that a little bit of Incarnation speaking?”

“Watch it.”

Jake just laughed, moving from Peter’s side to Nicolaj, slinging an arm around him as he added. “I kid, don’t worry – I don’t take any real value in any of that kind of stuff.”

Nicolaj flinched and suddenly went into full protective mode, “you should – I am a pretty big asshole.”

“Liar.”

The midlaner glared at this, making a mental note that he would have to work harder on pushing away Jake than some other people.

“I will hold onto my view.” Jake continued, “That anyone that is friends with Sneaky can’t be that bad.

Nicolaj breathed out deeply at this. Zach, one of the few people outside of his family to know about the mark. To understand why. There had been a small moment in his life that he thought that possibly the two of them could be a match, and it had terrified him. But that fateful day when Zach had seen his he had immediately shown Nicolaj his own. The two were different in every single way and when Zach had told him he didn’t really believe in Soul-mates anyway Nicolaj knew that he had found someone he could trust, that he could care for without fear of anything happening.

“Yeah well,” He swallowed, trying not let his emotions take over him. “Zach’s a special case, don’t even pretend you’re even close to him.”

“Is that Jensen talk for; I’m going to give you the cold shoulder so don’t’ even try it?”

“Yes.”

Jake grinned, “Still not buying it.”

“I think,” Peter was smiling at him, and his eyes held a mischievous glint that Nicolaj really didn’t like the look of. “You just need to let your guard down – live a little.”

“Fuck you I…”

Nicolaj wondered why he didn’t realize any earlier just how close he was standing to the indoor pool that people were using to late. Peter actually tackled him sending them both into the water. Nicolaj’s mind screamed at him and for a moment he forgot how to swim, before his brain kicked in again and he surfaced, glaring at the chuckling Peter.

“What the fuck – what gives you the damn right?”

“Oh my God, you’re face right now – priceless.”

“Sorry Jensen, I think Peter might be a little bit drunk right now.” The comment came from the side of the pool and Nicolaj turned to see Bonnie, standing with his hands folded across his chest, and an eyebrow raised as he rolled her eyes at the giggling Peter.

As she knelt down beside the pool, he noticed the same moon soul-mark in white on her ankle, unlike Peter’s it didn’t have a strike through it and it was a startling pear white in colour. Those that had a soul mark of white loved only person in their entire lives, Nicolaj was glad to see that she had found her match.

“He can get a little bit weird and eccentric when he lets go like this. I mean sure he’s a bit weird all the time but hey.”

“Yeah but you love me anyway.”

Bonnie just rolled her eyes again and held out a hand to Nicolaj an offer to help him out. He gratefully took it, slipping slightly as he did so, almost falling right onto her.

“Fuck, sorry.”

She shook her head, “It’s fine, really, um…. Just so you know.” Bonnie dropped her voice to a whisper, “Your shirt is going see through with the water and your mark is starting to appear.” She placed a hesitant hand on his upper back, between his shoulder blades, where the mix of white and light-coloured shirt was slowly causing the hidden mark to be seen.

Nicolaj’s eyes widened as this, fear crashing down around him. “No… no. I fuck… no, I mean – thank you I…”

Concern filled Bonnie’s eyes, not liking his panicked behaviour. “Hey, hey it’s okay – no one is going to judge you here… or use that information to hurt you in anyway – you know that…”

“I know, it’s not that I…” He got to his feet, breathing heavily and began to walk backwards. All eyes were now on him, realizing that something was wrong. “I… I better go, I shouldn’t, I really…” His breathing became more erratic, his headache had increased.

He couldn’t believe it, only a few hours, only the short time of confirming he was on this team – and now, they all probably thought he was crazy. And now, they could well be knowing more about him than he really wanted anyone ever to.

“Nicolaj…” In walking backwards, he had run straight into Steve, the Liquid owner gripping his shoulders to steady him. 

Images of Jack finding out about his mark crashed through his head, their relationship had never been the same after that. He wanted nothing to be with it in this team, no – all he wanted was to be an asshole and for no one to like him. But it seemed his body had other ideas, with a burst of pain, a crush of heat – his head pulled, his body tensed and he collapsed in a dead feint.

Steve thanked anyone that was listening that he was already holding the midlaner. “Holly fuck, fuck I…” He slowly moved down to the ground with the extra weight of Nicolaj. “What the fuck do I do?”

“Steve.” It was Bonnie, having glanced at the mark and easily realizing why Jensen had freaked out so much. “I think, I think it’s best that not many people are around for this.” She pointed out the mark, that was showing more and more through the damp shirt. The dark red and black scar becoming more obvious every second.

Steve swore under his breath, acting quickly he took his own jacket and threw it over Nicolaj’s back. “Right, immediate evac, right now.” He completely ignored everyone else comments and questions as he took Nicolaj up in his arms, surprised at how light the midlaner was and carried him back to the house.

“Bonnie? What, what the hell was that?”

“Oh, he is going to hate you.”

Peter pouted, now completely sober, the events having woken him up. “I think he already does, actually.”

“No, he doesn’t – I don’t think he hates anyone.” She stared at Peter, trying her best to resit the pull of the bond between the two of them. But her soul mark burned and she sighed, knowing she could never hide such a thing from him. “His mark showed through the water Peter, it’s… I didn’t get a full look, but I am pretty sure it’s burned, black and red and blistered.”

“Oh, fucking hell, of course it is.”

**x-x-x**

When he woke Nicolaj found himself in his own room, the curtains had been pulled, blocking out the glaring morning sun. A glass of water and some painkillers were at his bedside table, along with a bowl of assorted fruit. Breathing out deeply, Nicolaj pulled himself into a sitting position, the blanket falling off him – revealing his bare chest to the cold air.

Of course, they had taken off his wet clothes, it was the right thing to do but it made him want to scream. It meant someone had seen it, probably more than one someone. “Just my fucking luck, ugh.” He drowned the water, pulling a face as he swallowed the pills, getting out of the bed, he moved to the bathroom, spinning to glare at the mark on his back.

Burned into the space between the shoulder blades, the image of a bare tree branch, with a single leaf falling off it. He hated it, he despised it – the colours, almost rust like had caused him nothing but misery. And now, if he had to guess, his team, his whole team, knew, his want for a fresh start was gone.

He had no delusions that they hadn’t seen it.

“Well, time to face the music, I guess.” He made his way out of his room in the Liquid apartment to see the whole team, as well as Bonnie and Steve, squashed into the small lounge that would be his. “Please don’t tell me you all spent the night here…”

“Nicolaj, you’re awake!” It was Peter that ran forward, stopping in front of him, suddenly looking very awkward. “I.. aw, I am so, so sorry.”

Nicolaj narrowed his eyes and folded his arms across his chest, “Apology not accepted.”

“I… I deserve that,” Peter admitted, looking his new team-meat up and down, “Look I… if I had known.”

“No one knows, that’s kind of the point, well, a few people knew.” He breathed out deeply, “More than a few now it seems. All... all of you saw it?”

“It’s nothing to be ashamed about.”

“It’s not shame, it has nothing to do with shame!”

“Then what does it have to do with?”

“I barley know any of you… I mean three years here but really, not at all – what makes you think you of all people get to know the answer to that question?”

“For that exact reason,” Jake commented quietly, “We don’t know you – you don’t know us; isn’t that easier?”

“What would have been easier would have been for you all to hate me, to be completely closed off and leave it at that – no questions, no awkwardness – just like every other year…”

“Fate doesn’t want that – it seems.”

“Fate and I have never been friends or agree on anything.” He sighed at this, collapsing into a chair and looking out around the room, not knowing if he could do this, not wanting to put his burdens on his new team. “I…”

“Nicolaj, that mark – doesn’t define you – but if it has for your life up until this point, maybe it’s time to stop.”

The room fell silent and Nicolaj was reminded of telling Zach, of telling Jack, of a three am conversation with Andy that ended with both of them in tears. There conversations had a tendency to destroy him.

“Both of my parents have scared marks, I have it – my sister has it…” The words tumbled out of his mouth quickly and no one dared interrupt him. “My parents, they didn’t love each other, they barley liked each other – but they shared the same pain, they shared the same want – to not hurt anyone. My Mum, her high-school boyfriend, was run over by a car, barley minutes after she admitted her feelings for him. My Dad’s first wife, drowned in a freak accident on their honeymoon. Just last year, my sister – married the love of her life – perfect match – and he killed himself, a week after the wedding.” 

He shook his head, hating the tears in his eyes, hating how much it hurt. “People say it doesn’t matter, that the death mark is jus a myth, a superstition… In my experience, it’s very, very real. So, it’s just easier, to push people away, to be an asshole and be full of hate. Just in case, just in case they happen to be the one….”

The silence stretched out after this and they figured it was okay to ask questions, “When, when did it appear?”

“A few weeks after arriving in America actually… to be honest I thought I had pushed it all away by being pre-emptive about not showing love, in anyway… apparently not.”

“But what about people you know don’t match, that you have seen their marks, and you know they are not your soul-mate?” Peter tilted his head, “Surely they…”

“It is not about the matches, it is about how I feel towards them… even the love of a friend could be dangerous, anything could be really… it’s just not worth the risk, nothing is.”

“That… really explains everything.” Impact shook his head, glancing over at the midlaner. “You have pushed a lot od of people away… even me at some points.”

“Don’t take it personally.” The silence fell on them once again, the atmosphere tense. Eventually Nicolaj got to his feet. “Well that is about it, if we’re al finished dragging up my secrets we can all go back to our lives and pretend none of this ever happened.”

“Just like that?”

“I humbly ask that this isn’t the only thing that I am, or I might have to hate you for an actual reason.” Nicolaj breathed out deeply before adding, “I…. this was supposed to be a fresh start – a move away from where it was starting to get… hard. All I ask, is that you do what you can, for it not to be hard here.”

And together, they did their best, together they made the effort to just let him be. And it angered then to see it all from the outside, how easily he pushed people away – all of the backlash he got from it, how he made it seem like it all rolled off him, when in reality it didn’t.

They held onto the fact that they could count themselves in the small amount that knew, they could say they had seen his true soul. They had seen the mark of his pain and push back, so they would do all they could, they would stand and take it so, that here, in his team at least, it wouldn’t be hard.


	2. Golden

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your wonderful comments and excitement for this story, it means a lot. I hope you like the next chapter, please be aware the parts in italics at the end signify a flash-back. ^.^

_Those of a Gold Soul Mark are never meant to love romantically. Instead their love for friends, families and even stranger go far beyond the normal. In some cases, this love can become sacrificial._

“You ready to smurff on everyone?” Nicolaj looked up to see Jake walking into the room, the jungler giving him a small smile, throwing a jacket at him as he did so. “You left this in the car – I thought you would probably need it.”

It was his team jacket, he must have forgotten to pick it up before coming inside. “Oh, thanks – yeah it would be kind of awkward without this – ah, what are you doing?” Nicolaj rose an eyebrow at Jake as the jungler sat down beside him, getting right up in his personal space.

“What?” Jake asked, “I’m not allowed to even sit next to you – is that it?” The jungler was having none of it, in the last few months of having Nicolaj around for team shots, scrims and just general dinners and get togethers, he was beginning to see how easily he pushed people away.

But not him, no, Jake was going to make sure Nicolaj had at least one friend in this damn place – to hell with the consequences.

“I just… you’re very close.” 

Jake rolled his eyes and caused Nicolaj to squeak in surprise as he placed an arm around his shoulder, “get used to it, I am not going anywhere.”

Nicolaj just muttered something darkly under his breath, pushing the arm away from him. “Why are you so stubborn?”

“You can seriously say that to me, you of all people?” Jake laughed and Nicolaj couldn’t help but cringe, laughter was too close to friendship. “Maybe you finally met your match, I’ve been at this for too long, dealt with so much crap already.”

Nicolaj made a face as Jake returned his arm over his shoulder. “You’re going to be an annoying one, I can tell.” He once again pushed Jake’s arms off his shoulder. “But I do believe you all promised me that you wouldn’t make this hard for me?”

Jake sighed at this, suddenly looking serious. “You’ve asked us to be indifferent, to not care, to hate. It’s hard.”

“No one else has had a problem with it.”

“How many of those people know why?” Jake bit his lips. “I’m sorry, I’m trying, but this…” He waves at the air between them. “This feels too natural.”

“I…” The midlaner shook his head, quickly getting up off the couch. “I can’t, nope, I can’t…”

“Okay listen, you can’t go through this life alone. You need someone to stand with you.”

“I do, I have Zach and… and well I used to have Andy until…” Nicolaj breathed out deeply, “I don’t need anyone. I’ve been fine so far – and what makes you so special anyway?”

“You don’t look fine to me.” 

Nicolaj would have said something in response but at this, the room gave a shudder and the wall behind Jake cracked and burst forth. Metal, plaster and water surging into him. Nicolaj’s cry of horror echoed through the corridors as he made his way over to the jungler – who was bracing himself on the couch with one hand, the other pressed up against his face. He shook slightly, shivering in pain.

“Jake?”

“I… I’m fine.” He turned and Nicolaj let out a deep breath. A thin scar, seeping blood, a mere hair-breaths from the junglers right eyes. The blood stained his hand, and mixed with the water on his face. “Really, really I’m fine... It was just a stray piece of metal.” He glanced over at the broken wall, squinting slightly through the pain in his eyes. “Looks like a burst pipe.”

“Oh yes, how – random.” Nicolaj’s voice dripped with sarcasm, dread and spite as he tried to wipe the blood off Jake’s hands, staining his own with the crimson colours. Behind them, the rest of the team pilled in hearing the yells and commotion. 

“Nicolaj, look, no you can’t blame yourself for this…”

“What the hell else would you, call it then!”

“It’s an accident!”

“This was no accident, just a fraction to the side and you would be… you could have…” Nicolaj chocked on his words, feeling the tears begin to form in his eyes. He moved away as the team ushered in, asking what had happened and how they could help.

The blood rushed to Nicolaj’s heard. The feeling of complete horror, of blame, rising through him. He needed to know, to needed to be certain. He needed the truth, “Jake, what… what colour is your mark?”

“Really, I don’t think now is the right time to…”

“No, I need - I need you to be honest with me – please?”

Jake sighed, looking over at Nicolaj and knowing his answer would cause the midlaner to shut him our forever. “It’s… it’s gold my mark it’s gold.”

The crest-fallen look on Nicolaj’s face said it all. “I’m sorry, but… that’s it then.”

**x-x-x**

The echoes of commotion carried down the corridors of the studio and something that felt like a sickening worry filled him as he made his way over to it. Søren didn’t get to far, having run straight into someone. “Sorry, I didn’t see… Jensen?” He looked down at the midlaner, his body was shaking, there was blood on his hands and tears in his eyes – glinting in the hallways light. “Nicolaj, you…. how can I help?”

Nicolaj took a deep breath and Søren watched as his eyes changed from fearful to hard – almost cruel. “What makes you think – out of everyone… I need help from you?”

Søren barley flinched, “Pushing people away again I see.”

“You’re not worth the effort and time to do so.” He pushed past Søren at this and moved down the hallways past him.

As he walked away, Søren saw the way that his whole body was shaking. Something was wrong and Søren found himself being reminded of the last time he had seen Nicolaj like this. The time he was completely shut out.

_“I haven’t heard from you since the finals. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay?”_

_“That’s your job now is it?” Nicolaj rolled his eyes at him, “Why is it suddenly not okay for me to tell you everything about my life?”_

_Søren frowned, placing a hand on his chest, where he had felt the burn of a mark appearing that week. “Wow, that’s a little harsh.”_

_“I’m harsh with everyone – what makes you special?” Nicolaj finally looked at him at this, narrowing his eyes. “It’s not like we’re friends or anything.”_

_“Well, I was kind of under the impression we were.”_

_Nicolaj just rolled his eyes before turning his back to Søren. The TSM midlaner wasn’t having any of it, following him and catching his wrist. “Hey – what’s wrong?”_

_Nicolaj frowned, ripping his hand away from him. “Seriously are you so full of yourself that just because I’m not all buddy, buddy with you, something must be wrong?”_

_Søren flinched at this, “I… you’re just acting so different…”_

_“Well, maybe I’m sick of just playing along with the nice and friendly role. I’m not here to make friends and I am certainly not here to be friends.”_

_“No,” Søren cut him off, looking him up and down as if trying to spot something that had changed. “I refuse to believe you, I refuse to believe that everything is just a… a lie.”_

_“Well, have fun believing in that life is perfect and all sunshine and rainbows. Maybe this will get through to you. You, me, whatever you want to call it – never happened, never will happen and is over – period.”_

_And when he went to walk away again Søren was left standing shocked, too stunned to go after him. Maybe, maybe he might have believed him, if it had not been for the small number of tears glinting in his eyes._

He hadn’t seen Nicolaj like that since, there had been small cracks here and there, but he had only heard it second hand, he had only seen it from afar – nothing like this. This felt different, this was new. Søren breathed deeply and placed a hand over his chest, where his mark had once, started to appear.

He was beginning to lose all hope, but this, could being in a new team environment really be the catalyst of something finally happening? Could it be all that Nicolaj needed where strangers, people to open up to?

“I’m… so scared for you, what is happening, what can I… It just brings it all back, the pain, the love…”

“Søren?”

He was snapped out of his thoughts by the Liquid support, “Oh, Core – sorry I didn’t see you there…”

“Have you see Nicolaj, did he come past here?”

“Yeah, uh… if you don’t mind me asking is everything okay – there was blood… and he looked… bad.”

“Jake was hurt and he blames himself.” He shook his head, “Do not fret it is not too bad, not as much as it could be… he went this way?”

Søren nodded and the support thanked him before heading off in the confirmed direction. Something had happened then, maybe he could get the other member of Liquid to tell him all about it, who knows, maybe if he cornered Nicolaj when he wasn’t so frazzled, he could get it out of him too.

But the next day, things seemed to be back to normal, no one even mentioned the scar that the Liquid jungler now had, and the walls were back up, the coldness had returned – almost even stronger than it was before. Søren wasn’t going to give up however, no, this year, this moment, he had a feeling it would change them.


	3. Cold Black

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your comments, I hope you like this chapter too :D

_Those of a black soul mark will only love and trust once. Losing the trust and loyalty of those of a black soul mark means losing it for ever. Their feelings run deep of both love and hate – although there is nothing in between. Those with black soul marks hardly find their match._

“Why the long face Søren? You just crushed the dream, I should be the one being all pouty at you.”

“What? Oh…” The TSM midlaner jumped slightly, as if only realizing that Peter was there after he talked. “Sorry, I was just… thinking, wondering…”

“About?”

“No, it’s nothing, it’s stupid… I just thought, maybe with the move, with everything that happened. With that glint I saw of… feelings from him, I just thought that this would be it, this year will be different.”

Peter frowned, over the years he thought he had a could handle on the midlaner and his mannerisms. He could call Søren one of this few friends that he had kept since leaving teams. This however, this was slightly confusing. “What in the world are you talking about?”

He indicated down the hallway to where Nicolaj was having a very animated conversation with Zach. “He still won’t talk to me.”

The AD’s heart kind of did a weird half-beat in his chest. He did not like where this conversation could be going, “Yeah well, he hardly talks to anyone – don’t take it too personally.”

“Oh, but I do – I take it very personally.”

“Søren…”

“Did you know…. Did I ever told you there was about six months when I thought… when I considered him best friend, and then before I could even comprehend it was happening – just like that, I was shut out.”

“That was so long ago now, I know it sounds crass, but why do you still care so much after all this time?”

“Ah, you wouldn’t understand.”

“Really, try me.”

“It is just, it keeps. I thought it was okay but it just keeps coming back.”

“Søren, speak plainly.”

“My mark Peter, my whole life I didn’t have one… and those few months, one started to appear, but it stopped and disappeared when he pushed me out. But now, from the start of year, since he has been with you guys, it has started to appear again.” He shook his head, breathing out deeply. “I don’t know what it is yet, it’s never truly formed enough to see, but it can’t be a coincidence, it just can’t.” 

There was a long silence after this, Peter didn’t know what to say, he didn’t think he could say anything. He wondered if Nicolaj knew, he wondered if, out of everyone – that was why he had pushed Søren the furthest. But he couldn’t let it happen, they had seen how quickly it took effect, they could see how dangerous it was.

Nicolaj still wouldn’t have any conversation or interaction with Jake outside of gaming. It was heart-wrenching to see, it hurt both of them, and Peter hated that there was nothing he could do. He would not let that happen with Søren, he couldn’t.

“Don’t… don’t tell him. Please, it won’t end well.”

“Oh, come on Peter, I just want to talk to him but you’re talking like it will be the death of me or… or something.” Søren narrowed his eyes as Peter flinched, there was only one thing that came to mind for Søren with that kind of response. “You… you have seen it, haven’t you, his mark?”

Peter shuffled uncomfortably on his feet, “It was an accident and really I wish I had not…”

“What colour is it?”

“Søren, please you can’t ask me to… not like…”

“Peter, please.”

Peter knew that Nicolaj was about to hate a lot more than he already did, he had promised – they all had, but the crack in Søren’s voice, the plead in it, completely broke him. Sometimes he wondered if the midlaner has some kind of magical control over him, because over the years, he had never been able to lie to him.

“It’s burnt…. How’s that for a good enough reason to push everyone away?”

Søren’s face completely broke at this, a pain crashing through him. “But that means…”

“Yeah, I think we all know what that means, look just… leave him alone, and be thankful.”

“Thankful?”

“Yeah, that selflessness that means he gives up any chance of… anything to keep everyone safe. You can’t trigger a death mark if everyone hates you.”

“I don’t… I don’t hate him.”

“Well for his sake and for yours, you better start learning to do so.” Peter gave him a pointed look before leaving Søren with his own thoughts. Staring blankly at a wall, wondering just what kind of hole he had dug himself into and how in the world he was going to get out of it.

Did he dare even mention it to Nicolaj, did he dare even attempt to get back on good times with him? Would he just be slapping Nicolaj in the face, stomping on his want to protect people? There was a small part of him that was urging to just run up to him and confess everything to him, to beg him to stop pushing him away.

He could never in his heart of hearts hate him, not truly, not in the way Nicolaj was asking him to. How could he, when he was pretty sure that he loved him?

**x-x-x**

Some nights it bothered him more than normal. Tonight, was one of those nights. He traced the cursive lettering across his hip again and again, the pattern had been engraved in his mind a long time ago. The word ‘love was almost laughable, he shimmering gold almost showing through his shirt, he would never have it – not in the way he desperately wanted it. As hard as he tried, he could never fall in love with someone, as much as he tried to replicate others feelings it was always the same. He would go the ends of the earth for you, but as a friend, as family, nothing more.

Andy sighed and looked over the table, where his ex-team-mates nodded at him – the same kind of knowing in his eyes. For him, even being friends with Nicolaj was dangerous, everyone else could at least still be slightly friendly with him, well, people that ignored his attempts to push him away. Andy could say that pretty much everyone else around the table landed in that category.

But his friendship with Nicolaj had almost killed him once, he wouldn’t let it happen again. As much as it pained him, he would cut ties with his friends, he would make sure Nicolaj did not have that guilt on him.

“Hello, earth to Andy – are you going to order anything or are you just going to sit here and watch us eat?”

It was will that commented this to him, indicating with this head the waitress that was patiently waiting for him. With a quick apology Andy ordered his food before sighing deeply and falling back into his seat.

“Away with the fairies, Andy?”

The support sighed, “Just… thinking.”

“About how you just kicked TL’s butt?” Will asked with a smirk over at Nicolaj, who just rolled his eyes at him.

“No, just about things…”

“You were subconsciously tracing your mark again – are you okay?” The concern came from Reapered, who had seen the support so that many, many times over his time with the team, it was always the same, and it always led to the support being upset.

“I guess, I was just thinking it is almost half way through the split and I haven’t told any of the new team yet. I mean, it’s not like they have to know… but I would like them to, at some point.”

“It’s not like you are hiding it, though right? It’s just in an awkward place… it’s not like we go about asking these things of people, in case of sensitive subjects.” It was Impact that commented this, “I would say just let it happen naturally, unless you feel really… close to any of them – just wait till it comes up, or until they see it.”

“Yeah,” Will looked slightly salty at this, “You at least have that option of waiting.” He had always been slightly jealous of people like Andy, who’s mark was hidden enough that it was not normal for them to be seen. The dark, coal black leaf on the right side of his temple, escaping into hairline was on display for everyone to see.

“Yeah, lucky for some.” Andy had always admired Will for not going to weird lengths to cover the mark up. The dark black of Will’s standing out – telling everyone that you only got one shot with his trust and one shot only.

He remembered well his conversation with Nicolaj about it, he had been confused at first, wondering why he seemed to have pushed and pushed until it broke. He now knew why of course, he knew the fear that Nicolaj had immediately felt at seeing the mark for the first time – the fear that the rest of the mark could be hiding under the hairline.

Nicolaj had pushed so hard that any chance had been shattered, that the only thing between them was hatred. Andy had always wondered what would happen if Will found out, if that was one thing that could cause the faith and trust to return. 

“Well, I say just let it happen – don’t want a repeat of what happened with us…”

“Impact…” There was a clipped warning tone to Nicolaj’s voice as he glared at the toplaner.

“Wait, wait hang on – does Liquid know what you mark is? People you’ve only known a small amount… over people that you have known for years?”

“Peter tackled him into a pool, not like he had a choice.”

“Really, can we just drop this subject, please?”

“And there we go, like clockwork, always so dismissive.” Nicolaj didn’t even bother replying to this, he decided ignoring Will for the rest of the evening was the best thing. The jungler just rolled his eyes and muttered something about ego’s before ignoring him in return.

Andy’s heart panged at this, maybe, in another life, in another circumstances, they could have at least been friends.

It was Reapered who decided to break the silence and tension that were filled with as side comment, trying to change the subject. “So, what do you think it will take to be Zachary to one of these things?”

“Ha, let him bring Lynn and it might happen – those two are inseparable these days.”

“What do you expect? He finally showed her his mark, it’s a perfect match.”

“Really? Good for them.”

“I thought?” Nicolaj frowned, “I thought Zach didn’t believe in Soul Marks, especially what the colour meant…”

“What are you on about, he believes this wholeheartedly,” Will glared at the midlaner before adding smugly and with a smirk, “maybe if you were actually his friend you would know that.” 

Nicolaj just frowned at this, his mind whirling, not even rising to Will’s goad – around him, the conversation continued, and he didn’t even catch the concerned looks that Andy kept shooting him.

“Sneaks mark is magenta right? Is that part of the reason why he moved out?”


	4. Magenta

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for the comments. A bit of a shorter chapter this time around, but I feel like the Sneaky/Jensen friendship deserved a little bit of spotlight ;)

_Those few marked with Magenta have a sensitive love. When they find their match, they are actually physically hurt when separated for too a long time. If they fall in love with someone that does not match, this in then changed to just a mental pain._

“Nicolaj! It is so good to see you!”

He found himself smothered in a hug by an enthusiastic Lynn as soon as he entered the house, it was followed by the sound of excited yaps as a dog ran around his feet.

“Ah it is good to see you too… you guys got a dog?”

“Yeah, kind of scary commitment territory, right?”

“I think the whole moving in together is more a sign of that.”

She shrugged, “Makes sense seeming…” She trailed off quietly, a blush rising to her face.

“I know, you guys are a perfect match – congrats.”

She nodded, still blushing, turning her back, Lynn lifted up her hair, revealing the deep magenta mark on her neck. “Down to the exact spot, pretty scary when you think about it.”

“Your mark is magenta too?”

“Yeah, we are both pretty fortunate. There are those, like us, that never get the love they need to be okay.”

“Yeah, it sucks…”

There was a small awkward silence between them, “So…” Lynn drawled out the word. “I assume you are here to see Zach? He’s just gone out to go and get groceries. He should be back soon.”

Nicolaj couldn’t help but grin, “You got Zach, to go out shopping?”

She grinned back, “Well it’s not like I am going to do all the work now is it?”

Nicolaj just laughed and joined Lynn on her offered tour of the small apartment. Lynn had just finished showing him everything when Zach came through the door, his arms full of bags.

“Sorry I’m late, there was this complete fucking idiot who…”

“Zach, we have a guest.”

Zach stopped mid-sentence and his face lit up at the sight of his friend, “Nico! It’s great to see you.”

“He’s staying for dinner.”

“I am?”

“He is?”

“Yes, obviously you came here to say something but I refuse for you to just do that then leave. So, have your talk and then stay for dinner.”

“Ah yes, yes I would love to.” Nicolaj looked slightly flustered, “Ah – do you need any help with any of it?”

“No, I will be fine – why don’t you take Kiyo for a walk. It will get you out of my hair and give you time and space to talk?” The next thing Nicolaj knew, Lynn was pushing him out of the house and he was walking the streets and parks with Zach, the small dog happily bounding along beside them.

“So, does this have anything to do with your whole team knowing about your mark?”

“What – you heard about that?”

“Yeah, Impact let me in on everything, He felt so bad about it and wanted some, ah, pointers on how get around the whole hating you thing.”

“What did you say?”

Zach grinned, “I said don’t worry, friendship and trust with you is worth the risk.”

“Zach!”

“What, it’s true.”

Nicolaj breathed out deeply, “Is that why you lied to me?”

“Excuse me?”

The midlaner folded his arms around himself and Zach immediately recognized the signs of his friend completely withdrawing. “You said you didn’t believe in Soul Marks, that they didn’t matter to you but here you are – with your perfect match…”

“I loved her before I knew that, you do realize that?”

“I know, I know we’ve been seeing it happen over the years… but it’s just.” Nicolaj drew out a deep breath, running a hand through his hair before returning his arms back around himself.

“I didn’t lie to you Nico, back then I didn’t believe in them because I was scared, scared that whoever mattered to me the most, my match – wouldn’t love me back, wouldn’t want me close. I was scared for you and what you would have to go through. I didn’t want to be pushed away so I just…” Zach sighed, calling back Kiyo as the dog ran around happily in the park. “I mean I saw how hard you pushed Will and…”

“Lets not bring him up please,” Nicolaj breathed, bending down to give the dog pets as she came bounding over to him. “I’m sorry for accusing you of lying… I just panicked, you do remember there was a time when I thought that you and I…”

“I know, and I stand by what I said back then. If it had been me, I would have gladly taken anything that came our way.” They began to make their way back to the house, Zach keeping an eye on the midlaner as he tightened the grip around himself with each passing word.

Nicolaj didn’t like to think if that ever came to that. “I don’t… I mean. I think, I think I know who it is however, I mean to say, I’m pretty sure I’m in love with someone…. It’s weird, I only really started thinking about it when they all saw it and I had to start all over again and…”

“Oh Nico, I think – you’ve been in love with him for a lot longer than you think.”

Nicolaj froze at this, looking over at Zach, confusion filling his eyes, heart hammering in his chest. “What?”

“You pushed him a lot harder than I’ve seen you push anyone. He was out of your life like whiplash, it makes sense. It’s not fucking fair and I hate it but, it makes sense.”

“You know he… he tried to have a normal, kind of open conversation the other week – before our match.”

“What did you do?”

“Oh you know, the whole cold shoulder routine… I have to convince myself, I have to… that it’s not real.”

Noticing the tears in Nicolaj’s eyes, Zach moved to wrap his friend up in his arms, letting him sink into the touch. “You deserve happiness, you deserve something more than all this hate.”

“Maybe so, but he deserves a life free of the fear of something like this hanging over his head. If I can get through this life without killing anyone because of this, even if, even if I die alone – that will be worth it.”

Zach just gripped him tighter, relieved when Nicolaj finally hugged him back, he sunk into the hug and muttered something about the world being too hard and not deserving him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading <3


	5. Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all of your who are reading this, I appreciate you all <3  
> This is where things really start to get... uh.... painful?

_Those marked in blue are one’s nick-named heart breakers. While they only have one match, many people are doomed to fall in love with them and not be reciprocated._

“Ah, I hate myself sometimes,” Peter shook his head, watching as a young girl ran off, crying as she did so. “Another soul without a match.”

“Does that, does that happen often?” Core asked his lane partner, having never come into contact with someone with a blue mark before. 

“It makes it harder because we’re in the public eyes but yes, it happens often.”

“They have the same mark.”

“Almost, there is always some difference, not exactly the right shape, having a little bit of extra mark… but it always ends up the same way. Heartbreak.”

“You only love one person?”

“Two,” Peter corrected immediately, indicating the split right down the middle of his mark. “Split mark, two soul mates.”

“Wow… one of them is Bonnie?”

Peter grinned at this, “Yeah.”

The support suddenly looked uncomfortable, hoping he wasn’t prying too much. “And the other?”

Sighing Peter wrapped an around Core’s shoulder as the walked towards the arena together. “I haven’t quite figured it out yet, he is out there somewhere.”

“He is a he?”

Peter laughed, grinning at the very confused Core with an almost manic look, “Oh yes, he’s definitely a he.”

Core looked thoughtful for a moment before commenting, “That… that seems to be a thing here – at the LCS I mean.”

The ADC laughed again, “Is that a problem?”

“Oh no, no. I think that it’s a good thing, that it is accepted and just normal. It was just an observation that it has a… different feel to what I have experienced in other places, in other times.”

Peter stored this information at the back of his mind, wondering if there were more in Core’s words than what it seemed at first. “What about you Core? Anyone every caught your eye? Matching marks, anything?”

“No.”

“No?”

“No.”

His reply was short and sharp, almost like he was saying it as some kind of defence. Peter had an inkling that maybe he was lying and that maybe something had happened to him, either back home or here in his short time that he didn’t want to talk about. “Well, I just with you best and hope that you are lucky enough to... oh for goodness sake!” They had turned the corner to find Nicolaj leaning against a wall and Søren looking very flustered and nervous as he attempted to hold a conversation with him. “I told him not to even think about it… damn it, come on let’s go and save our midlaner.”

Nicolaj was glaring at him, and really, Søren hated how good he was at this whole being an asshole thing.

“Are you actually trying to have a conversation with me right now? Can you not even remember how much I despise talking to people, especially when those people are you.”

“Yeah, okay you are way too good at this whole asshole thing.”

“Thanks, you’re good at the annoying thorn in my side thing – are we finished because I have way more important things to do.” Nicolaj pushed himself off the wall at this and went to walk away.

“No, Nicolaj – wait!” Søren reached out and took his wrist, a flash of pain crashed through him at the connection, a strange burning sensation flowing through his veins. He watched as Nicolaj actually flinched at the contact. “Please, I… I know why do this and I know why you push people away… And I just can’t stand the fact that you are so selfless and get hated for it.”

“I don’t…” Nicolaj’s words were said through gritted teeth and he ripped his wrist away from Søren’s grip. “I have no idea what you’re talking about – but you really shouldn’t touch people without their permission.”

“Nicolaj, I…”

“Hey guys!” Peter suddenly come running forward, waving his arms madly in the air. “What’s going on – are we all ready for this week matches, got to get those wins in, right?” The tension in the air was thick, tense and even dark, Peter, for some odd reason, found it difficult to breathe.

“I assume, you have something to do with the fact that this idiot think he can talk to me?”

“Actually, I quite clearly told him not to talk to you but ah…” Peter wavered at the intense glare Nicolaj sent his way. “Ah yes, I might be part of the reason why he thinks he can.”

“Kindly stop sharing my personal matters with people who don’t deserve to know…”

“Right, yes, sorry…”

Nicolaj just breathed out deeply, repeating his previous words for what seemed like ages ago but was only a few weeks. “Apology not accepted.” He left at this, pushing past Core as the support tried to say something and stormed down the hallway to the team waiting room.

“Yeah, pretty sure I deserved that one as well.” Peter sighed, before rounding on Søren, “What, what the fuck do you think you are doing?”

“I can’t just stand here and let it all happen!”

“Yes, you can, yes we all can because we have to! Do we like it, no. Do you think someone like Zach who’s known for years likes it, heck no! But we have to, otherwise everything he has already gone through is worthless!”

“He deserves more than that!”

“Of course he fucking does, but fate is a cruel bitch and it’s not going to happen.” Peter breathed out deeply, “It’s… it’s suicide, Søren, literally it could kill you. And really… really do you want him to have that on his conscious?” 

Søren just sighed deeply, knowing that Peter was right but knowing he probably would put himself in harms way. “I just… it’s appearing again. Everyday, there is more of it and…”

“And what does it matter – you can’t do this, not to yourself, not to him.”

“It’s blue… just like yours.”

“Yeah well we always knew you were going to break your fair share of hearts. Welcome to my club, it sucks.”

“What is it?”

“Core!”

“No, if it’s appearing you should know, or at least have an inkling of knowing what it looks like, so what is it?”

Søren shrugged, “It is hard to tell at this point but…. I would guess some kind of tree or branch design. Does that mean anything?”

“No.”

The support lied and it was the exact same no he had given Peter earlier. It was a no that meant yes, it was a no, that was scared of what the yes could mean. It was a no, of someone that was terrified.

x-x-x

Peter and Core returned to the team room to find Nicolaj in there alone, bunched up on the couch, muttering darkly to himself. The midlaners eyes were red, looking like he had been crying. Drawing a deep breath, Peter took the risk and sat down next to his team-mate, waiting for him to speak first.

“What the fuck is wrong with you? What made you even think, that I would be okay with…”

“Nicolaj I am sorry I…”

“Stop apologizing!”

The words were hissed with so much venom that Peter actually flinched, “I… he just came up to me, cornered me, saying how he thought this year would be different, how his mark was slowly beginning to reappear…”

“Right over his heart, it fades in and out. I saw it, back when… when I thought maybe I could be friends but then, then I…”

“You fell in love.” It was Core that made this comment, walking over and sitting on the opposite side of Nicolaj, “And you pushed him so hard it broke… you pushed so much his mark disappeared.”

“I had to, have to… to protect him. To protect everyone…. I have to.”

“It’s stupid, you don’t deserve it.”

“With how hard I have pushed some people, with what I have done and said… maybe I do.” Nicolaj shrugged before getting up from the couch and removing himself from the close proximity to his teammates. No feeling but hate, he had to remember that, in times like this, when he just wanted to cry in someone’s arms. Just hate, nothing else. “I have to go get some fresh air. I will see you on stage.”

He left muttering under his breath, trying to clam his fast beating heart as he did so. Hate, all he could feel, all he had to feel, was hate.

x-x-x

His conversation with Nicolaj hadn’t quite you the way that he wanted. In fact, now he felt even worse and almost like he wasn’t going to get any chance at all. He had ruined any and all chance with every having another conversation with Nicolaj. And he hated it, he screamed at himself, he hated himself for doing this. He should have been more careful, he should have wanted for Nicolaj to make the first move. Maybe he should have just loved from afar, hate merged in love, in away that kept both of them safe.

“Stupid, stupid you are so… I won’t be able to love him, not now – not anymore…”

“Søren! Hey, hey over here!”

He almost missed the yell of his name but the high-pitched comment barley broke him out of his inner thoughts, a grinning fun was running over to him – fully decked out in TSM gear, his face flushed. Søren forced a smile on his face, he didn’t want to do this right now – but he knew he had to, it came with the job.

“Hello.”

“Hi, Hi, oh my God, my goodness – I can’t believe I finally got the chance to met you, to be face to face. I finally found you, after all the searching – after all this time.”

“Uh, I’m not normally that hard to find.”

“No, silly, not like that – I finally, seeing you face to face – now that you’re the one. You and me, my soul would never lie. My mark is burning with happiness.”

Oh here it goes, he had seen this over this years with Peter, now that he was aware that his mark was blue, although not the shape, although not the shape he should have been expecting this.

“Oh, no… I’m sorry, you must be mistaken.”

“No, I’ll show you, you must believe me – we will match I am sure of it.”

“Please, no I don’t have one – my mark is non-existent – I’m sorry but whatever your feelings you have towards me, they aren’t real.”

“But…”

“Do yourself a favour kid, don’t put all your hopes and expectations on someone like me. You’ll just be disappointed.”

“No, no my soul…”

“Was meant for someone else, I’m so sorry – I have to go.” With a shake of his head, Søren apologized once more and walked away rom him, heading towards the arena, awaiting the start of this weekend’s game.

He didn’t notice that he watched his every move, his eyes full of confusion and hurt, a fire burning in them with a deep-set look of despair. He didn’t see him slip away, mumbling something about refusing to let his perfect match just up and walk away from him. He had a plan, a plan so that the two of them could be together, no matter what he said.

x-x-x

At the end of the next day, after his day he was feeling dizzy, the kind of dizzy that made the whole world spin and for images that weren’t there to dance across hi vision. He quickly muttered to his team that he wasn’t feeling good and that he’ll head back home before stumbling his way back down the corridor to collect his things from the team waiting room.

He barley made it into the room, gripping the door and wall, the swung close behind him, and he collapsed pressing a hand to his forehead as his vision wavered. Keeping his eyes open actually caused him pain and so let the darkness surrounding him become a companion. Sinking into it as if it was good for him. 

Søren didn’t even recognize the hands on his shoulders, the words muttered in his ear were nothing to him as he sunk into the approaching darkness, almost as if knowing being in the dark, asleep, was a lot safer than him waking up. So, he let sleep take hold of him and when he let the arm pull him up, and he let whatever happen, happen, because he was so tired that he couldn’t even care.

When his team eventually got back to the room, Søren was gone, but all of his belongings were still there. His phone haphazardly in the middle of the floor, as if it had been dropped.

“Søren!” Andy called up, picking up his team-mates phone and frowning. “Søren are you okay – are you in here somewhere?” The room was completely empty and it brought a kind of looming dread to crash through the team. “No, No…. I don’t like this, I really don’t like this at all…something must be wrong.”

“You think it has something to do with how suck he was feeling…. It can’t be a coincidence, can it?”

“Only question now… what do we do? Where in the world do, we even start?”

The question was left hanging in the air, the silence following it engulfing them like a thick fog.

x-x-x

The darkness slowly ebbed away replaced with the bright artificial light of a harsh light bulb, a single bulb that swung back in forth in the room. He had vague thoughts of old films in which people are interrogated with a swinging light or left to now small prison like rooms.

His heartbeat jumped and panic seemed to set in as he pushed himself up to a sitting position, his muscles tired and unresponsive, the pulled tightly and he couldn’t help but groan. A shiver flew up his back and he wrapped his arms around himself, breathing out deeply, realizing he was, all of a sudden, shirtless.

Looking down Søren gasped softly and a sudden surge of emotion burst through him. He found himself tracing the mark, the bare tree branch across his skin. It was real, it was there, the colour bursting against his skin – striking right across his heart. It was horribly ironic and Søren loved it and hated it at the same time.

“After all this time,” He whispered to himself, “It’s finally here and it could lead to something so… horrible.”

“You lied to me.”

Right on cue to Søren’s thoughts, his kidnapper appeared, the fan that have come up to him before the game yesterday. Søren found himself being slightly impressed, he certainly had done this quickly. 

“You told me you didn’t have a mark.”

“I didn’t… I mean… it’s very recent.”

“A day recent – don’t lie to me, that’s too quick.”

“Much like your three sixty change to crazy happened?”

“You lied to me!”

“Pretty sure kidnapping is worse than lying in my books. And besides, I didn’t lie to you – it’s never been here, not so… solid before, not… not this…”

He snarled at him at this, leaping forward and landing on Søren’s side, causing the midlaner to cry out in pain as his arm twisted under his weight. “You rejected me!”

“Sorry, I don’t think soul mates are supposed to hurt each other like this.”

“You hurt me first – you broke my heart… so I was thinking…” With a smirk, a cold smile he pulled out a large, serrated knife. The edges glinted under the singular swinging lamp. “It’s only fair that I do the same. I will shatter yours!”

As the knife slid into his chest, pain crashed through him and he couldn’t help but cry out in pain. The sound was stopped as Søren found him being pushed down, the knife sinking further into his chest as the kidnapper pressed his lips tightly on him. Søren mind screamed at him to push back to fight him off, but as the blade was twisted further in all he could feel, all he knew was the pain and dread that was encasing him.

Søren couldn’t help but whimper, shivering as teeth were dragged over his lips, as the knife was pulled out, causing blood to stain his chest, the smell of copper engulfing him. “If you don’t love me, then maybe I should just keep you like this… I can force you to love me – until you realize that we are meant to be together.”

“This…” Talking hurt and Søren couldn’t help but close his eyes, tears of pain reaching his eyes. “This is not love…. Nothing about this is love…”

“And what do you know about love what…” He paused looking thoughtful, “Oh – oh…. No that won’t you… are in love with someone else. Well that will not do… maybe we should go and see this certain… love of yours.”


	6. Split in Colour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the comments - prepare for the FEELS. T_T

_Those few that have a split mark are those that have two soul-mates. There are very rare occasions of those that have double or even triple splits; those that have split mark normally only stay with one of their matches._

“Look, I don’t want you to freak out.”

“Well shit Andy, when you lead with that, I’m going to no matter what. Why are you here?”

“That is a good question, why are we here… you said you’re telling someone important, I don’t see that here.”

Nicolaj just glared at the TSM toplaner at this, although he guessed he could be thankful that he was that person already to him. It was less person that he had to try to dislike him. “What is it Andy?”

“Søren’s missing. We think something might be wrong… really, really wrong.”

Something hitched in Nicolaj’s throat and he stepped back, almost like he had been hit hard in the face. “Wrong, as in… hurt?”

“Now, don’t, don’t… even think that this is your fault.”

“Really because where I’m standing it is.”

“Why the hell would it be your fault…”

“Why do you even care?”

Nicolaj just growled at this before turning his back, breathing in and out heavily as he tried to regain some kind of composure. Maybe it really was just some kind of coincidence, maybe Andy was just being paranoid. Or maybe because he couldn’t control his damn feelings, someone he cared about was in trouble.

“Did you think anything but freaking out would happen after hearing that… why did you come to me?”

“Because you… fuck Nicolaj, it’s always been so obvious, so you deserve to know.”

The midlaner shook his head, “That doesn’t help in finding him...”

“Really, out of everyone you would be the one to know. To almost feel it…”

Nicolaj shook his head, “I don’t think that’s how it works and if it did… it wouldn’t be me that… feels so deeply.”

“Stop lying to yourself, all that matters now, is somehow finding him and if we work together then…” Andy’s voice was drowned out by a sudden crashing sound, echoing around the hallway, coming from further down, away from all the team rooms.

Something in Nicolaj’s stomach just dropped and he ran towards the sound followed closely by TSM and TL, as well as other people. Coming out of their team room, to see what the noise was all about. Nicolaj got there before anyone, a man holding a knife – Søren on the ground beside him, doing his best to get away from him. As soon as his eyes landed on what was happening, Nicolaj lost all sense of anything else around him. He yelled, intent on hurting the man holding the knife. At his yell, they both looked up, a smirk on his face, while Søren breathed out deeply, moving backwards as if scared of Nicolaj as well.

By the time Nicolaj got to them, he had walked backwards, locking himself in a small room that Nicolaj hadn’t seen. He rammed his hand against the door, anger crashing through him. “Coward!”

“Nicolaj… Nicolaj is that… that you?” Søren’s voice shook and cracked, he seemed so unsure of himself, like he could barely believe it.

Nicolaj turned just in time to see Søren cough, groaning in pain and clutching the bleeding wound in his chest. Now that he was this close, he could see the fabric roughly covering his eyes, his heart shattered at the sight and completely crumbled at realizing how much blood was stained on his skin.

“Oh God, no…” Nicolaj immediately dropped down beside him, carefully removing the fabric over his eyes, giving him a weary smile on his face, pain filling his eyes. “Hey there… it’s me, it’s… I’m here.”

“I… fuck you’re blaming yourself aren’t you – I can hear it in your voice.”

“Of course I am… oh God, Søren I’m so…” He looked him over, hands shaking as he placed them on the open wound. “Okay, okay… no I refuse… you’re going to be okay… you have to be okay.”

“Nico… Nicolaj I don’t think I’m…”

“Shhh, stop talking - you have to... you have to save your strength." He looked him up and down, amazed that Søren even had the strength to talk. He swallowed his tears and addressed the fact that Søren seemed to have given up on everything. "Don’t you dare even think about that. Not like this, not while I’m still here…” Not even caring about the implications of revealing the mark on his back, Nicolaj pulled off his team shirt – tearing and pressing the fabric tightly onto the wound. “I am not losing you, I won’t… no when this is my fault I…”

“Hey, stop… this is not your fault.” He made no attempts to stop talking, because in the back of his mind, Søren knew that this was it - this was all he got. He wanted to say everything that had gone left unsaid between the two of them, and he wanted to say it while he still could. Arms shaking, fingertips stained red with his own blood, he placed as hand on Nicolaj’s cheek – holding his gaze for a few moments. “I love you and if someone can’t deal with that – then that is on them, not on some curse you think you need to live by.”

“Søren I…” He pressed harder on the wound, using the rest of the ripped cloth to wipe away as much as blood as possible. With most of the blood gone he could see the parts of the mark that had not been marred by the wound. “A… a perfect match, would you look at that – who would have thought?” His resolve was cracking, his heart was beating - and the mark on his back was burning. Deep down he knew where this was going, it was on him on weather he had the strength to admit it.

“Nicolaj…”

“I, I love you too, so don’t you go dying, you here… I maybe be the reason you’re in this situation, but I will do whatever it takes to get you out of it. Don’t you dare… don’t you dare give up on me, okay?”

“Perfect match – huh?” Søren couldn’t feel the pain in his chest anymore and he wondered if that was a good thing or not. It was probably a bad thing, he was probably dying - but for some strange reason he didn't care. “Then… then come here....” He wasn’t going to wait any longer, somehow finding the strength he pulled himself upwards and grabbed Nicolaj, pulling him into a kiss. 

He could taste the mix of both of their tears as well as the copper of the blood in his mouth.

**x-x-x**

“He needs our help.”

“Core, you can’t just…”

Core didn’t heed Peter’s words, running up to his team mate, pulling his own jacket off and throwing it over Nicolaj’s shoulders. The midlaner flinched at the contact but upon seeing what and who it was, a small smile crossed his face.

“Core… thank you…”

“People may have already seen it but less the better.” He turned his attention to Søren who was shaking and gasping in Nicolaj’s arms before adding. “I will go and get medical staff – Peter?” The AD was right behind him, “You stay with him?”

“Of course.” Peter took up Core’s place at Nicolaj’s side, gripping the midlaners shoulders tight in a reassurance that someone was by his side. As Core got to his feet to move, Peter saw it at a quick glance, the moon symbol, a mirror to his own. It was hidden away on Core’s upper arm, a soft warm green in colour. “Core…”

“Another time.” Core stressed, knowing full well there were lives at stake, his connection to Peter through the mark would have to wait. He made his way back over to where they had been standing through the crowds trying to ignore their shocked looks and whispers of sudden understanding. As much as Core wanted to stop and yell at them for the staring he didn’t, getting the on-site medical team here was more important. The only one he even acknowledged was Zach with a quick nod of his head, which was returned with the same nod.

“Well,” Zach turned to the person at his side, not wanting to stare at the scene in front of him any longer. “I guess that secret is out of the bag.”

“Zach that’s…”

“Aha.”

“But that means…”

“Yeah it does.”

“And you knew?”

“One of the few that did, yes.”

“But… but I hated him – I treated him so… horribly.”

“That was kind of the point.” Zach sighed, running his hand through his hair. “There were two people Nicolaj pushed away so hard that it broke. One was Søren out of love and the other, through fear – was you.”

Will placed a hand up to his forehead, tracing the leaf even he didn’t know if the mark continued, if under his hair there was a tree branch to match the burnt scar on Nicolaj’s back. “What, what do I do… what can I fell I don’t know if…”

“I think… I think all you can do is, understand and forgive.”

Will was left to ponder if there was even a chance of forgiveness between the two of them words had been said, deeds that had been done that chilled Will to the core. He breathed out and was about to voice this thought to Zach but his words were cut of by the sound of the cry.

Nicolaj couldn’t help but scream, a sharp yell of pain as he pushed Peter away from him. Flames danced across his back, harsh and cruel moving and twisting into the pattern of the mark. As much as he tried to stop it, the cry continued to escape his lips as he collapsed to the ground.

“Nicolaj!”

“No, no, not me… I’m fine…. Søren, please, please him – go to him… I’m sorry, I am so, so sorry….”

Peter turned away from Nicolaj to the figure of Søren beside him – the flow of blood had increased, the stain larger, the colour brighter. He gasped, his whole body shaking, his hands reaching out for something that wasn’t there. As Peter reached to take his hands, he understood what was happening and it completely destroyed him. Søren was dying and, the burning mark on Nicolaj’s back was mirroring the pain, confirming the match. The death mark was confirming its victim. Peter found himself torn, from current to ex-teammate, they both needed him, his comfort, and he couldn’t do it.

“I…”

“I’ve got him.” The words came from the side and suddenly, Peter found himself starring at the TSM, support. Ex and current teammate just like Peter, with pain and sorrow in his eyes, Andy moved to wrap his arms around Nicolaj.

Satisfied that Nicolaj was in good hands Peter turned his full attention to Søren. “Hey, come on you – don’t give up on us just yet. You’re much to stubborn for that…”

“Peter? I don’t… I don’t think I can.” Søren’s eyes were clouded over her face in the mere minutes, they had been sitting here, had lost all colour. His voice was barley above a whisper, and it was obvious, with every word it was a struggle, breath seeming too hard to come by.“Everything is so cold, so dark… cold I’m so…” Tears were streaming down Søren’s face. “I don’t… I don’t want to…”

Bursting into tears himself Peter lunged forward, wrapping Søren up in a tight hug, not heeding the blood. He closed his eyes and pressed tightly as he could, warmth, even if it was simple as this, as giving him warmth, giving him something to hold onto, he would do it. 

“Please don’t go… Søren, please you’re stronger than this…”

“So, so… much faith in me… I’m sorry, sorry I’m not that person…”

**x-x-x**

Nicolaj’s grip on Andy was tight, his hands shaking, nails digging into the supports skin. He couldn’t stop his sobs, his gasps of pain, as the fire, now completely burned through the jacket; continuing to dancing across his back.

“No, no this can’t be happening – after everything – everything it can’t come down to this. I can’t, I can’t lose him.” With every word said, Nicolaj’s voice became quieter his voice strained, the tearful sobs over bearing the words. “I didn’t do enough, I wasn’t tough enough. It’s all my fault.”

“Hush now, none of this… fuck… this is not your fault. You are not the one that hurt him – you did not do this.”

“I’m cursed, I shouldn’t have fallen in love. I shouldn’t have been…” His words trailed off as if suddenly he clicked whose arms, he was crumbling in. “Andy… Andy no, you shouldn’t be here, you might get hurt…”

“No, I will stay here. I will help what little I can.” He made sure to look the midlaner in the eyes as he said, “Because you are my friend – I care about you, I always have.”

Nicolaj went to protest this, but a surge of pain stopped him he tilted forward, crying out in pain, as the fire gave one final burst before disappearing – leaving nothing behind but ash, the glowing mark, of red and orange like metal in a hot scorching forge. 

Only the branch part of the mark seemed affected, the leaf still hold it’s burnt and blistered colour. Now with the two separate colours merging in his back, the contrast between the two was obvious. The once hidden split was clear, striking through, separating leaf from branch.


	7. Living Green

_Those marked with green are sacrificial in love without asking for anything in return. In very rare occasions, if this love is shown by both sides, it can also have curative properties._

It was all way too surreal for him, it was like he couldn’t comprehend what was happening, what had happened. Seeing someone you care about deeply break down in tears wasn’t something you ever thought you would see. Knowing there was nothing you could do cut deeply – making you want to do something that wasn’t helpful, that did more harm than good.

Peter’s thoughts twirled and twisted around him, sending him into over-drive, the thoughts trapped him as he watched all of the scenes unfold in front of him. Paramedics swamping the injured Søren, cries and yells, silence as he was taken away. He couldn’t keep his eyes off the blood stain on the floor, the deep colour would be ingrained in his brain forever, he knew that for certain.

“Peter?”

He turned at the sound of his voice, Core stared at him in concern, bright eyes deep with emotions.

“You have been standing here for hours – we should go.”

“Hours – I don’t think…”

“I doesn’t feel like that I know… everyone else has gone away… I wanted to wait for you.”

“Oh, thank you – everyone… everyone has gone?”

“Some to the hospital, some home, some… looking.”

“Looking?”

“Nicolaj is missing, people are worried he’s doing something – ah stupid, dangerous – harmful.”

“Fuck, that sounds around right… okay I will help, I should have been doing that instead of staring off into the space.”

“No.”

“No?”

“You go home, come home, with me – rest, let yourself go – feel.”

“No, no, I have to help – I have to find him – I can’t just think of myself.”

“You have to be selfish; I make you.”

“Make me? I don’t think you…” Peter stopped mid-sentence and finally looked Core in the eyes. Seeing the blaze of determination in them. “Core you…”

“I care about you Peter; you are my friend. Best friend here, let me look after you.”

Peter exhaled deeply, remembering the mark, the exact copy of his, the deep green. The support was not going to take no for an answer, “I okay, okay you win.” He leaned forward and Core responded by pulling him into a hug, all of Peter’s body was tense, his muscles taunt with pain and worry. “I can’t believe all of this is happening, why, why did we let it get to this?”

The question hung in the air as Core carefully lead Peter back down the hallway and out of the door to the waiting car. Steve waited, bear-hugging both his team members as they appeared. Leading them into the car. Half lying on Core over the back-seat Peter found some of the tense feeling in his shoulder disappear. As if the supports very presence was a healing to him. 

His heart still pulled in pain and his mind screamed, and the image of that crimson blood still burned deeply in his mind.

**x-x-x**

“You can’t keep blaming yourself Andy – it’s not on you.”

“Really, I was the one that was literally holding onto him and next thing I know he pushed me away and has run off to God knows where, I can’t even – I don’t even want to think what…” Andy breathed out deeply at this, almost chocking on his words.

“You should know by now, if Nicolaj wants to be alone he will do so – no matter how hard we’re holding onto him.”

“Did you try?”

The jungler nodded, Jake vividly remembering the pain in Nicolaj’s eyes when he revealed the colour of his mark. “I tried so hard, even after I got injured, even when he pushed me away – I tried to hold onto him but he just… wouldn’t allow me to get too close.”

Andy frowned, “Your mark is gold too?”

“Yes, and as soon as he found out…”

“Complete shut out, yup I know what that is like.” Andy knew exactly what it’s like to be completely shut out by the midlaner, he had tried too many times to get back into friendship with Nicolaj. It had gotten to a painful point where it was just too hard. “Believe me when I say time doesn’t make it any easier.”

“I think it would be the opposite actually…”

“Yeah, I don’t… I don’t know, for a split second, for a small moment I thought everything was going to be okay. I thought that he had broken it somehow beaten the mark. But now… now I don’t know what to think. I don’t even know if Søren…”

Andy’s stomach twisted just thinking about his team-mate, the amount of blood, the sight of him being carried away. He could well be dead now and he wouldn’t even know.

“You must have the faith that Søren is strong enough to endure this. Just like how we must have faith that Nicolaj can enduring…” Jake shook his head sadly, “If he can’t get through this I do not know if any of us can.”

The two fell into an uneasy silence at this, continuing to walk down the hallway, checking every room, every room, making sure no one was in them. They checked every corner of the arena they both knew so well for clues, searching high and low for the missing midlaner. It wasn’t until they walked down the corridors of the team rooms when they heard it – barley through the walls and wood.

“Wait did you hear…”

“I did… wow I guess we thought he was hiding when really, he just came back to here… because of what…”

“Maybe it’s where he feels safe?”

Jake breathed out deeply at this, hoping what Andy had just said was true, as he opened the door. A small amount of relief flowing through him at the sight of Nicolaj sitting in the middle of the room. It looked like he had pushed all the furniture back into he side and corners. Nicolaj sat, sobbing and rocking up and down in the middle of the room, clutching something close to him as he did so.

It was a blanket, Jake remembered that the day after they had found out about the mark Steve had given it to him, black and dark blue in colour, it had the Liquid logo on it and hand written messages from each member. Steve had told Nicolaj that it was a way that he could remember that no matter how hard he pushed they would be there. Nicolaj had rolled his eyes at the time and commented about it being too much, obviously he needed it more than he had let on.

Nicolaj tensed slightly when Jake knelt down beside him, slowly moving down to his level. Nicolaj stopped rocking up and down and his eyes focused on Jake, following him, as he hiccupped, his tears slightly and clutched the blanket closer to him.

“Hey there, I thought you were hiding from us, but it looks like you just found your way here.”

“I needed… I needed to remind myself…” Nicolaj shivered, his eyes moving from Jake to Andy then back to the blanket in his arms. “I needed to remind myself of all, the people who would be disappointed if I… if…” Nicolaj seemed to lose the ability to speak at this, chocking on his tears and lowing his head in shame.

“Hey, I’ve got you – we’re here.”

Nicolaj breathed out deeply, swallowing as his eyes fell to Jake’s hands, who had reached out and clasped them around his. “I almost… I almost did something really, really stupid.” He looked up at this, seeing that there were also tear in Jake’s eyes, mirroring the ones that were falling down his face. 

“I... I am so, sorry…”

He flung himself at the jungler, letting himself be wrapped up in a hug. Jake gripped him as tightly as possible, never wanting to let go. This moment, this simple moment was something he had been wanting for a very long time. As Nicolaj continued to cry, muttering apologized through his tears, Jake continued to hold him – never letting go of the grip, never wanting to.

“I’ve got you, I’m here and, and I am not letting you go…ever.”

Andy watched on with a small smile, a weight lifting off his shoulders and heart. He was happy that. Even if it wasn’t him, or anyone from the past, that his friend had finally found someone to hold onto. It had taken Nicolaj a clean start, and an accident to find his strength. The blanket that Nicolaj had been clinging to so desperately now hung between the two of them, covering them both.

Nicolaj had come here thinking that this would be the place where he found find someone that proved to him, he was worth it, and Jake, by showing up – had made that thought come true.

**x-x-x**

Peter had fallen asleep by the time they arrived back at the Liquid apartments. Steve and Core having to carry him into the house and got him upstairs and comfortable. They had just managed to get him in bed, where he happily slept when Steve received a text. After reading it, you could see the tension leave his shoulders.

“Jake and Andy found Nicolaj, they are bringing him back here and a few others are coming to be with him as well.” He nodded, sighing deeply. “Are you okay to stay here – while I go and met them?”

“Of course, the only thing that could pull me away from looking after Peter right now is Nicolaj himself… but he has Jake, so I don’t need to worry.”

“Right,” Steve couldn’t help the happy, warm, almost intoxicating feeling that rushed through him at this. This team, was so much more than a team. “I will make sure to keep you updated.”

Core nodded before fully turning his attention back to Peter, taking his hand. He could almost feel how exhausted Peter was, emotionally and mentally drained more so than physically. “You will get through this, you are strong.” He could feel the slightly pull of his mark, the crescent moon glowing and burning on his arm as he gripped Peter’s hand even tighter.

After what seemed like hours, Peter’s eyes suddenly flickered open, letting out a deep breath as his eyes fell on his support at his side. “Core?”

“Hello, I am glad you are awake, how are you feeling?”

“Better, a lot better actually – wow…” Peter’s voice trailed off slightly as his eyes fell on the mark on Core’s arm, the green glow ebbing slightly. “You… you really think that much of me, with so little time…”

“Anyone who doesn’t think the world of you is just wrong.”

Peter blushed slightly, shifting in the bed and pulling himself up into a sitting position. “So… any good news?”

“Nicolaj is home, he arrived a few moments ago with Jake. There are others here to that are worried about him.”

“What… what about Søren?”

Core shook his head, “Still too early, all they know is that he is in surgery.”

Peter’s heart pulled slightly, but he hummed, “Well, I guess no news is good news when it comes to that. I think… I think I want to be downstairs, not that I can do much… I just want to be with everyone.”

“Yes, I can help you downstairs.”

“Core?”

“Hmm?”

“Did, did they say where they found him and…”

“Jake came up briefly before, told me they found him in our room. He wanted to remind himself of… friends. About people that cared.”

“He didn’t?”

“No, but – Jake said, he almost did.”

“Well,” Peter’s words felt heavy to him, like he should be running around screaming about this information rather than just casually talking about it. “Well we’re not allowed to be there for Søren, but we can be there for Nicolaj – come on.”

Core nodded, concern still showing through his eyes as he helped a still unsteady Peter to his feet, they slowly made their way downstairs together – each step seeming to take up more energy than the last.

“Core?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you, for staying with me… for healing me through… through this all.”


	8. Purest White

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Everyone, so sorry this took so long to get up! Last month was not the best for me and I've been super swamped. I got anew burst of inspiration however, so you get a new chapter! :D

_Those marked in white only love one person in their lives, there is no second chance for them. It is very rare for those marked in white to find their match to love them back, normally they spend their years alone._

Jake sat in front of the door to the bathroom almost like an angry guard dog, daring anyone to come close and disturb. He had, after much arguing, managed to convince Nicolaj to have a shower, to wash the blood and dirt and tears away. As Nicolaj had walked in he had whispered to the jungler that it was best to give him a time limit, knowing his own mind and how he would probably just drown in his own feelings if left to his own devices.

Jake now waited for that time to tick down, his body tensing every time he heard the sound of sobs coming from the room behind him. He wanted to give Nicolaj as much space as possible, however, at the same time, all he wanted to go was storm into the room and hold him until everything was magically okay again. The pull and twist of the golden mark caused him to twitch slightly.

The blanket that Nicolaj had been holding onto was not across his knees and he clung to it tightly. Everyone in the room kept their distance, knowing if they got too close one of two things would happen, Jake would either bit at them with great venom or he would burst into tears – neither was something any of them wanted.

As his eyes travelled around the room, Jake couldn’t help but feel a pull of happiness and pride, even through all the pushing and anger, there were still those that were here fear Nicolaj, still those that were here for Nicolaj, still those that had refused to hate him. He growled slightly and glanced over his shoulder as once again the sound of cries came from behind him. He looked at this watch, ten minutes, ten minutes and he could go in and make sure he was okay. Jake gripped the blanket and stiffened in the chair, returning his gaze to the room and the conversations around him.

“I feel out of place.”

Zach just rolled his eyes at his best friend, he had lost count at the amount of times Will had said something to the affect of not belong or being wanted here. “Well, you’re here just like everyone else, to make sure he is okay.”

“I mean, yes, but I… I still don’t know how I feel… it’s almost like, I kind of feel like I’m faking it. Like I shouldn’t be allowed to be put into the same category as you – or Andy and I just… You never gave up, you refused to let him push you away.” Will shock his head, breathing our deeply. “Me… I just let it happen… I didn’t even try push back; I didn’t even ask why. I just let it happen.”

“But that is your life, that is just how you have to be – you have shut people out too, I’ve seen it.”

“Not as quickly… do you, do you remember what he said?”

“Something about not giving you special treatment.”

“Yeah, I’m not here to make friends, that’s what he said.” Will sighed, shivering slightly as he remembered the conversation. “Damn it, he was just so, so good at playing that role… it was like I had no choice.”

“I am guessing that was the point.”

Will grumbled at this, folding his arms across his chest and watching as Jake moved from his guard spot into the bathroom. “I am glad that he has them… Liquid I mean, all be it from a mistake… I am glad someone knew… I just… I hope that Søren pulls through.”

**x-x-x**

Jesper hated hospitals, there was just something about them that made him want to scream. Sure, people got healed here, they got better – but they had to be hurt to begin with, they had to need it. He hated they the last sight of Søren was him struggling to breath, covered in blood, barely alive. He hated that he wasn’t allowed to see him, that they weren’t allowed any information. He hated waiting rooms, feeling anxious, feeling useless.

“You made it to China yet?”

“What?”

“The hole you are burning in the floor, for moving so much?”

Jesper just sighed, muttered darkly under his breath, and threw himself into the chair beside his top laner. “I just, I hate it, all of it… what happened, how it happened. How a fucking mark has ruined his life, not just his… but Jensen, have to deal with what he has, and I was…. I was a part of that.”

“He is good at it; I was quick to fall for it.”

Jesper sighed, reaching out a hand and tracing the mark he knew he had on the side of the neck. The stark white glinting under the lights, “And I thought I had it bad.” He remembered it well, the day his match had just walked straight out of his life.

One argument with Alfonso last year and that was it, a broken bond, broken souls. The day Alfonso had returned home he had cried and screamed and thought that his world had ended. His one and only match, is one love, gone like that. But after everything that had happened, Jesper could now look at it differently, at least his mark wasn’t a death mark, at least Alfonso wasn’t in any danger because of him.

He may not have loved him anymore, but he was alive and that, that he would gladly take.

“You are lucky, you know.” Jesper turned his attention back to the conversation in time to hear Kevin’s voice. The ex-TSM toplaner addressing his replacement, his face showed the pain and worry he was feeling for Søren. “You haven’t known Jensen for too long, it’s easier for you to have a clean slate. Me… I’ll get there, I will try my best. But with everything that has been said between us, it will take a while.”

The room fell silent once again and they went back to their thoughts, wondering, hoping, trying their nest to not break down – to not scream or cry. Jesper went to pacing back and forth, across the waiting room floor.

He hated hospitals.

**x-x-x**

“It is you, isn’t it?” The question came from Bonnie, as she took a seat next to Core, smiling softly as he shifted, moving the sleeping Peter so that he was across her lap as well, his head resting on her knees. Bonnie began to unconsciously run her fingers through his hair, “You’re his other match?”

The support nodded, suddenly looking quite nervous, “Yes, but please, please don’t think I am going to come swooping in and take him. No, he belongs with you… I match, I match in a different way.”

She seemed to relax slightly at these words, “Oh?”

“I just want to, make sure he is loved and happy and I guess, well…”

“That is where I come in?”

Core gave her a small smile, nodding in agreement. “That is where you come in.”

“He’s not very good at that, is he? The whole taking care of himself.” Bonnie indicated with a small wave of her hand, the sleeping Peter across both of their laps, “Case and point.”

“Oh yes,” There was a slight teasing tone to Core’s voice. “Oh, I’m feeling better, let me go downstairs and see everyone…. Dead on his feet halfway down here – honestly.”

Bonnie chuckled at this, earning a sleepy murmur from the ADC. They sat in a peaceful silence for awhile before Bonnie spoke again. “Thank you, for looking after him when I couldn’t… if anything would ever happen to him I…”

Her voice hitched and her breath seemed to catch in his throat at the very thought of that ever happening. Her Peter, her match, she couldn’t fathom anything happening to him. She couldn’t begin to imagine if she could ever survive such a thing.

Core just leaned over and gripper her hand tightly, saying it without words – he would be there for her too.


	9. Change for Survival

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for all of your for sticking with me, hope you like this chapter too <3

_In some very rare and unique cases that colour of the marks can change, switching depending on need or survival._

“When you say that there are people out there – who do you mean exactly?” Nicolaj’s words were broken by small sobs as he tried to contain the tears that were still streaming down his face. He felt like he had done enough crying for a lifetime. “I guess I just want to prepare myself for possible… feelings.”

“Well, it’s the team, plus Bonnie, Andy Zach and Will.”

“Oh great, surrounded by people that could get hurt because of me – just what I want.”

“Nicolaj – please don’t make me repeat myself – again.”

They had been in the small side room for a while now and all what Nicolaj had done was apologize, tell Jake he should just leave him and say he wasn’t worth finding. Jake had been steadfast in his belief that none of this was true and that he needed to lift that blame self-doubt off him. Now they had come to an stale-mate, Nicolaj had made the move to leave the room, readying himself – but now that he knew who was out there, he wasn’t too sure. It felt wrong to him, to just saunter out of there and ask them all to forgive him – her hurting them and putting them all through this.

“They are here to just make sure you are okay; you had a lot of people worried for a while there.”

“It’s Søren they should be focusing your efforts on – not me.”

“There are a lot of people at the hospital, waiting on him – he’s not alone either.”

“Do we know… anything?”

“He’s fighting – that is all we’ve been told and all we can hope for.”

Nicolaj breathed out deeply at this, reaching a hand out to touch the make on his back, “Yes… I, I would feel it if he… if he…” He closed his eyes, not wanting to finish the sentence and Jake gripped him tightly. “I’m… I’m okay, you are right – I should go out there – there’s apologizes I need to make.”

Jake glared at him for this but Nicolaj shook his head.

“No, this is different – there is someone out there – that, that I really need to say sorry to.”

“Okay then, are you ready?”

Nicolaj nodded, seeming to straighten slightly, staring the door down as if it was a great enemy. He moved quickly as if wanting to do it before losing his surge of courage and walked through the door, to the awaiting room of people. As he moved forward, Nicolaj let his eyes move around the room.

In one corner, Core and Bonnie conversed quietly, a sleeping Peter across their laps. Impact and Andy were locked into a conversation while Zach and Will were caught up in a silence something awkward and almost unnatural for the two best friends.

Overall the room felt tense, but a small amount of that was broken when the sound of the door closing crackled and all heads turned to him to see what had happened. Nicolaj was greeted with warm smiles and relived filled faces. 

Nicolaj pushed down the screaming doubt in his head and made his way over to the person he was determined to apologize to. Standing in front of him he awkwardly shuffled his feet, suddenly feeling embarrassed. He opened his mouth and got a few syllables of his payer name out before she shook his head.

Habits were hard to break this one. He had a name, after everything, Nicolaj was going to give him the curtsey of using it. “Will? Can I… I know is all kind of forward all of a sudden, but can I talk to you?” 

For a split-second Will looked like a dear caught in headlights, before he shook the feeling off and stood up. Face to face with the midlaner, so he didn’t have to look down on him. “Sure, ah, is everything okay – do we need to go somewhere?”

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry.”

“Ah, what?”

“I need to apologize to you and I need you to know that I’m sorry and I never meant to… I didn’t want…”

“I’m pretty sure I should be the one apologizing to you. I let you push me, I didn’t ask – I didn’t even protest.”

“No but I actually hurt you.”

“I- what?”

“People with black marks, what they don’t like others to know, is that when they experience someone losing trust – a shut-out, that it actually hurts – physically. So, I am sorry, so, so sorry – for hurting you, intentionally.”

“I,” Will didn’t seem to have an answer to this, his head was swimming, his heart was beating way too fast and his hands were shaking. Not many, people knew that his mark could cause him pain like that – it seemed that Nicolaj had done his research.

“Well I guess, I never really thought. I was kind of an asshole anyway and oh…. Oh well this is different.”

Not having any more words left to say Nicolaj had thrown his arms around Will in a hug – gripping the jungler tightly, almost as if his life had depended on it. Will couldn’t help but let a smile cross his face as he hugged back wrapping his arms around Nicolaj.

“This is nice, unexpected but nice…”

Nicolaj actually laughed at this, “Don’t get used to it, you still could – you could still be…”

“I know, in another life, maybe.”

Nicolaj sighed, gripping, him tightly knowing he wouldn’t get any more chances, “Maybe.”

**x-x-x**

“Why are you suddenly giving us information willingly?”

“We got in contact with Mister Bjerg’s family and they are happy for his, ah, team to know what is going on. Especially seeming they won’t be able to get here for another few days.”

“His family is coming… that, this must mean it’s bad.”

“Although the surgery succeeded in stopping the bleeding, both from the wound and internally – the damage has already been done. People that have a knife that into their chest don’t normally magically got better it’s, sadly, not how it works.”

“It was, it was right over where – did it get his heart?”

“No, but…” The doctor held up on of his hands, clenching it into his fist, and holding up his other to place beside it. “A mere hairs breath in one direction and it would have. You are lucky you have any chance at all.”

“Chance to what – exactly?”

“Say goodbye – this is no fairy-tale, his chance of pulling through are, almost impossible.”

“Almost?”

“If there is anything, I’ve learned in my years of this job is nothing is certain and miracles can happen. Your friends hope is a foolish hope. Wishful thinking, miraculous but it is there, if you would like to hold onto it.”

“I think we would like that – very much.”

“Well, if you would like to see him?” This offer was greeted by enthusiastic nods and ‘yes’ form the entire room. “Okay then follow me.”

A fool’s hope, that is what they had. Well, they were all quite happy with being called fools.

**x-x-x**

“I’m sorry, I really don’t want to go but it’s getting to being too long.”

Nicolaj shook his head at Zach’s apology, “No you do not need to apologize, I understand… your mark it’s starting to hurt?”

Zach sighed, “It’s tingling… almost as if I know it is about to happen – like it’s coming.” He ran a hand over the back of his neck where the mark was. “Lynn is a lot more sensitive than me when it comes to there things, so she’ll be feeling it comes to there things. So, she might be feeling it a bit more…”

“Go.”

“Nico.”

“You were here, that means more than I can express, go.” 

Zach nodded before quickly hugging Nicolaj, before he could protest and walked out, saying goodbye to everyone. In the end, Will left with him offering the AD a lift and give Nicolaj one nod and smile before leaving.

Nicolaj’s heart cracked slightly as he watched him leave – but also, he felt relived. He didn’t want to put more people in danger. He almost wished that he could send everyone else away but he knew that his would have none of that.

“I think I should head off too, I am going to met up with everyone at the hospital.” He glanced at Nicolaj who visibly flinched at the reminder of what had happened. “You should com Nicolaj, he would want you there.”

“Me… me sitting in a waiting room, feeling sorry for myself in not going to make amends for what I have done.” He shook his head and swallowed back his tears. “He may want me there but I don’t deserve to be… I could even fucking hide one emotion.”

Andy sighed at this and went to reach out to the midlaner. Nicolaj stepped back however, turning away from him. “Go, he needs friends, real friends around him at this time. He needs people like you Andy.”

“But he wants, he wants you.”

Nicolaj ignored this comment and just stayed stock, back still turned, Andy sighed, had a short conversation with Impact and then left. Leaving only the team in the room, a tense weary radiating out of them, a silence falling over them all.

It was Nicolaj that broke the silence, his voice shaking with every word. “I think, I just need to go lie down, it’s all too much, I’m sorry.” Amidst protest he made his way up stairs to his room, shaking the door and them out standing in silence, in darkness for a while.

He didn’t even turn on the light, didn’t even move to the bed. He slid down the door, back against the wood and collapsed on the ground, silent tears falling down his face. He had tried being strong, tried being with them but he just couldn’t – he was too weak, too much of a coward.

He would never let them in again it was too painful.

**x-x-x**

He couldn’t sleep, couldn’t even begin to close his eyes and rest. All of the events of the past day washed over him, all that he had learned crashed through him, pulled at his heart, burned through his soul. His mark wouldn’t stop pulling, pulsing, it burned his skin, which was even more annoying considering where it was.

Normally this would be because he had pushed someone away, normally this pain was attributed to breaking trust with someone. But this was slightly different, this was a kind of sensation of being cold and hot at the same time. In the end he gave up, getting up off the bed and moving to turn on the light to inspect his mark.

At the sight of it in the mirror, he reached back and screamed. It was shifting, moving – changing underneath his finger the dark coal black, lightening to revealing dark grey – the colour lightening with every second moment. Suddenly the pain was so intense that he had to close his eyes, forcing back tears of pain.

When he opened them again his breath caught in his throat and his head seemed to flutter. Gone was the cruel, painful black, replaced by a glistening silver colour.


	10. Royal Silver

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all of you for continuing to read and comment on this fic, we've still got a lot to unpack in this story so I hope you all enjoy what is to come :D

_Those who silver marks have the ability to immune any effects or changes to other marks. In rare cases, this is even time for someone they don’t match._

“Are you telling me I missed everything – again?” Peter sighed in frustration at this, stretching out his sore muscles as he looked around. “So, anyone going to fill me in.”

“Nicolaj is quote, unquote ‘resting’ upstairs. We all know he’s probably doing anything but resting.” Jake answered, with a small shake of his head. “It wasn’t good, I mean – there was more pushing away and he down right refuses to…”

“He doesn’t want to go to the hospital, does he?”

“Says he doesn’t deserve to which is a whole lot of rubbish.” Impact’s words were growled slightly as he added. “I don’t… feel like pushing him would be a good idea. I don’t, feel like pushing him could be a good idea – I don’t want to be shut out again.”

“Someone should go talk to him,” Bonnie insisted, “It, it things turn really bad for Søren and he doesn’t go see him, he will regret it. I know I would….” She closed her eyes, placing a hand on her chest. “I would regret that if I found myself in that position.”

“I would to,” Peter confirmed taking one of Bonnie’s hand and squeezing it tightly. “So, which one of us is going in there and dragging him kicking and screaming into the hospital.”

“He’ll hate whoever it is, for real, this time.”

“You’re right, which means it has to be me.”

“Bonnie?”

“You are his team, his family – you have to like with him, work with him and walk aside him through this. I can him hating me, if I means I can stop him regretting and keep you all together.”

“You, you are awesome – I think he’ll have a hard time hurting you.”

“I hope you are right but I will be ready for it.” She stood, placing a quick kiss on Peter’s lips before breathing out deeply. “Okay, off I go – wish me luck.”

**x-x-x**

She breathed out deeply, gripping him tightly as she did so. “Thank you, for coming back safely to me.”

Zach hugged her tightly back, “I am so sorry it took me so long.” He pulled out of the hug and ran a finger over the small bruise that had appeared across her forehead. “I hate myself for hurting you like this.”

“It’s okay… he needed you – I wasn’t about to ask you now to go.” Lynn offered him a small smile, “And now that you are back everything it going to be fine. You’re here that’s all I need, that’s all I want. But…” Lynn pulled pace before adding. “How, how is everyone?”

“Nicolaj is a mess…. But he had his team behind him, so I hope he let’s them help.”

“What… what about Søren, there are some horrible rumours going around.”

Zach sighed, placing a hand on his chest, “It was right, right over his chest maybe even through his heart. I think it was a miracle he would even be talking like he was. I don’t think it’s looking too good.”

“Oh Zach, I’m sorry.” She reached up and wiped away the tears that were dripping down his face. “This is what you’re always been afraid of. I know, I wish there was something we could do – something I could.”

“He is never going to let anyone else in again. I could hear it in his tone, see it even in the way he looked at me. I fear this will just cause him to retreat further back into himself. Just when, just when I thought he was making some progress.”

“I don’t think the team will let that happen Zach, even as an outsider I can see how close they have all come, even in this small amount of time.” Lynn’s words were full of determination as if she wanted everything, she saying to be true with every fiber of her being. “They will keep him strong through this, we have to believe that.”

Zach just sighed, sinking into get another hug with Lynn, pressing himself as close as possible. “I wish I could be as optimistic as you – we all need a little more of that.”

“Well, help me hold you up – so you can hold him up.”

“Mmm, deal.”

**x-x-x**

“Go away – I don’t want to talk to any of you.”

“No.” The answer shocked Nicolaj and he blinked as the door was opened. If he was honest, Bonnie was the last person he expected to see. “I’m not going away, not until you come with me.”

Nicolaj breathed out deeply, folding his arms across his chest. “No, I’m not going to the hospital – I can’t.”

“You told him you loved him – was that a lie?”

“What, no…. no… but that, that was what caused this, I can’t… No, I cannot…”

“If he waked up and you’re not there, he will think it is a lie. You stay by the side of people you love, Nicolaj…”

“I, I can’t – what if me being there triggers the mark again? If, if I can stay here and convince myself I don’t love him, if I take myself out of the equation then maybe… maybe he’ll pull through.”

“What if he doesn’t pull through?”

“Bonnie! How could you?”

“What if he doesn’t pull through and you never get another chance to hold his hand, to hear his voice, to tell him how you feel.” Bonnie moved forward at this taking Nicolaj’s shaking hands in hers. “You’re robbing yourself of those moments and you are robbing him of that moment as well.”

“But, but I can’t, I just…”

“Look you can hate me all you want for it, so don’t think for a second I won’t drag you down their myself.”

“That, is a scary image and I don’t doubt it for a second.”

Bonnie chuckled at this, squeezing his hands she pulled him close. “You, are you going to come willingly? It would be a lot easier on both of us.”

Nicolaj shuffled uneasily on his feet at this, breaking eye contact with Bonnie as he felt the tears forming in his eyes. “I, fuck I am such a mess.”

“Join the club.” Bonnie sighed, “We’re all messes, that team down there that you belong to – is one big mess, with people that are scared and confused and have no idea what to do. But they do it together and somehow that helps.”

“I tried, I tried so hard to push them away, to go in alone like I had so many other times.

“And maybe you would have if we hadn’t seen your mark. But I’m so glad that we did, because no one has to go in it alone.”

“I’m, I’m sorry for being such an idiot. For being so fucking at this…”

“Apology not accepted,” This comment caused Nicolaj to look up in confusion. Bonnie was smiling at him, “Not until you get out of this room, down those stairs and to the hospital. He needs you and you need him.”

She was right, Nicolaj knew she was, he had known it all along but it still terrified him. He still wanted to run in the other direction. It was like second nature to him now, pushing people away and he had to fight his very nature. He felt like he was fighting with himself as he walked down those stairs.

He was terrified but at the same time, he wanted someone to join in his fear, because then maybe it wont feel like he was drowning.

**x-x-x**

“What are you doing back here?” Impact narrowed his eyes at the jungler, “I mean, it’s all good you want to be here but things are a little bit more chaotic and you being here might just…”

“I just wanted, I wanted to make sure I wasn’t seeing things, that I’m not going crazy…”

“Only one that…. Holy shit!” Impact suddenly surged forward. Grabbing Will so he stood still and inspecting his forehead, the silver mark shinning in the light. “Please don’t tell me this is just paint and you are trying to make things up….”

“I changed, I swear… it hurt more than anything I’ve felt before and then it changed… I have no idea why, how, but it changed.”

“Silver, immunity to other marks… how, very…. Ironic.”

“Look it’s not going to magically fix everything, heck I’m pretty sure we will never be friends. Even if it is a match, which we don’t even know it is, it won’t matter. What this could be, is that we might not have to be hateful to each other… that will be nice.”

“Yes, that will be nice.” The toplaner commented as he made his way back into the main room, he was expecting to see the others – but blinked at the sight of Nicolaj. “Yensen? You stopping brooding alone in your room?”

“Haha, very funny, Bonnie convinced me that this is not the time to hide away by myself and…” He stopped at the sight of Will, his breath catching, his words faltering slightly. “What, what are you doing here?”

“Just… testing something and letting you know I want… I want to try to start being friends, or at least, not enemies.”

“I can’t, you know that.”

“Really? Take a closer look.”

Confused at first, Nicolaj just folded his arms across his chest and narrowed his eyes. But the realization hit him suddenly and he gasped, running forward and running a finger along the mark, “It… it has changed? How? Why?”

“I really don’t know how but why, oh I don’t know maybe the powers be think’s its about time we both have a break of hurting due to how much we care about people.”

Nicolaj laughed at this, throwing himself at the jungler in a hug, “So… we are heading to the hospital – do you want to join?”

“You’re actually going?”

“Yeah,” Nicolaj pulled out of the hug and glanced over at Bonnie, “Yeah it might be my only chance.”

Will nodded in agreement, understand the tone beyond those words, “I would love to join you – the more the merrier, right?”

**x-x-x**

It was a weird and terrifying feeling, knowing that you were dying, staring down the face of your final minutes and having no regrets. In fact, his only regret was that this hadn’t happened sooner. His only regret was that he wanted to say it one more time, to hear it one more time.

He needed to know if he hadn’t been dreaming, that he hadn’t imagined it. Dying wasn’t too bad; the pain he could deal with, the encasing dread and shadow was fine. It was the regret, the knowing of what he was leaving behind – that made him want to cry.


	11. Painful Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading <3

_They say that those who have been hurt and used by love have forcefully removed marks, never to be used again._

“Hello? We are here to see someone in emergency, do we need to uh, sign in or something?”

“Sign in? Really?”

“What, I have never done this before, I don’t know if they need to make sure we’re okay to enter or if we need someone to show us the way or… anything like that…”

Peter just laughed at this, “in my experience they just let anybody and everybody through to these kinds of things. Andy’s coming down to met us anyway, so we don’t have to worry about any of that.”

“Oh well then, why didn’t you say that to start off with?”

He liked the conversation, the back and forth with his teammates, the banter seemed normal and it grounded him. It reminded him that he was not alone. As his team continued to argue and converse back and forth it was Nicolaj that spotted Andy first, even hitting those around him to get their attention. 

They suddenly fell silent and Andy greeted them all with a hug before leading them to the elevator and up to the floor where they would join everyone else waiting for a miracle. The words, “it’s bad but we’re not giving up on him” hang in the air and Nicolaj found himself having to take the hands of his team-mates.

As the elevator climbed higher his breath hitched more and more and his heart burst faster and faster. He had to do this, he knew he had to be her, to prove that he did feel what his mark was telling him. He had to be here, but that knowledge didn’t make it an easier.

None of them noticed him slinking in the shadows however, he had followed them here, kept to the side, making sure that he knew exactly where to go and exactly who to hurt for him to finish the job. He now had all the information he needed to make sure his love was eternal, no matter what anyone else said.

**x-x-x**

“You can almost convince yourself that he’s sleeping… almost.” Nicolaj gripped Jake tightly as the two of them looked through the glass into the hospital room. It was like there should eb more, that there should be more machines, more wires, more of an indication of how close it had been.

Søren lay on the bed, the surgeons work hidden under the blanket that was placed over him. The last time they had seen him he had been covered in blood, that was all gone now, his face no longer pale, his skin no longer the deep crimson. It was like he was sleeping, bar the few wires that were attached to him. The main thing that broken the picture however was the breathing tube that was connected to him, the life support machine that was, at this stage, the only thing keeping him alive. 

The thought had crashed through them all like a train. Life support, and the possibility of hard and painful decisions in the future. It could become a real thing, and it destroyed them all just thinking about it.

“You know, it’s stupid, for some strange reason I had it in my head that I would be able to talk to him…. I guess I was just fooling myself into believing him bad it actually is…”

“I don’t think you’re alone in that, fooling ourselves is what makes us feel better after all. And never say never, I think you’ll still get a chance to talk to him…”

“I mean, I know me talking to him will happen but… it’s the idea that he’ll never be able to say something back that is terrifying…” These words were laced with tears and Nicolaj found himself sinking further into a hug with Jake, letting the jungler wrap him up tightly. “I… I did a really bad job of pushing you away, didn’t I?”

Jake laughed at the muffled comment from Nicolaj and his determination grew, screw marks and their meaning, to hell with matching patterns, He was never going to stop being his friend, “Nope, I’m here to stay, no matter what.”

“I think, I think I am okay with that.”

“Good.”

After a little longer of staring into the room in silence they made their way back into the waiting room where everyone else was. The air was tense, cold, as they sat down – Nicolaj wiped his eyes as he sat down, not knowing what to say, or where to look.

It was Matt that broke the silence, the TSM jungler shifting awkwardly in his chair, “The Doctor said they are awaiting a few blood tests and clearing a few things but hopefully soon we will be allowed to go and actually sit with him.” He gave a little laugh and this, shaking his head, “Although I think, for me, I don’t think I could, or that I deserve such things….”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I, I haven’t known Søren for too long, I don’t think if it turns into a one person at a time thing… then I won’t be too high up on the priority list of people that get to hold his hand in there.” A small, unsure smile crossed his face, “I just hope, that by some kind of miracle I get that chance to become close enough to be able to earn that right, to get to know him better.”

“Søren is tough and extremely stubborn, and one of the strongest, best people I have had the pleasure of knowing,” It was Kevin that said this, the ex-teammate of Soren’s voice was filled with grit, a set look of determination in his voice. “If anyone can pull through this, if anyone deserves a miracle… it’s him.”

And they sat in silence again, holding onto that fools hope that they would get more day, and more time. The hours ticked by, the silence grew, and they grew restless, or exhausted as they waited for their opportunity. Over time the silence grew too much for them and conversations began filtering back and forth.

“I am surprised, that he let you get so close, considering circumstances…”

Jake snorted in response to this, “Oh believe me, we tried I just refused.” He looked down at the sleeping Nicolaj in his lap, running his fingers through his hair. “I wouldn’t let him; colours and marks be dammed.”

“He does know that your mark is gold, right?”

Jake nodded, “Yes, he just… hasn’t seen it yet, so he doesn’t know… that it matches. I feel like that if he knew it to that extent, he would run as far away as possible.”

“I mean, what about the feelings. If you say it’s a match in mark alone… but what about you?”

Jake thought about this for a moment before breathing deeply, “Me, I never really thought about it initially and to be honest I had kind of forgotten what it looks like, and that I would have a match somewhere, I had failed so many other times. But it’s funny in that I don’t think I even knew Nicolaj, not properly, before all of this but now…” He swallowed, “It’s an exact match, down to the split and my feelings… they, they match too. So, I can’t, I just can’t walk away, from that…”

“And what happens if you end up in the same situation?” It was Andy that asked this, tilting his head towards the room. “I mean I don’t want to blame it on the mark, I don’t want to put that burden on Nicolaj but with that… right here and everything that has happened.”

“It doesn’t matter, nothing does if it means… I don’t know, finding the person that is apparently your best friend.”

“Is that worth it?”

“It is for someone who had pretty much given up, yeah.” This seemed to be the last Jake wanted to say on the matter as he leaned back in the chair, closing his eyes and pulling the sleeping Nicolaj even closer, the midlaner muttering in his sleep as he shuffled so to get himself into a more comfortable position.

Silence fell on them again, before in was once again broken – no silence was a peaceful one in their situation.

“Giving up huh, sounds kind of like what I did…”

“You and me both.” Kevin muttered, giving Impact a small smile. “Must be a top lane thing.”

This caused a small chuckle to escape his lips, although as he leaned back in his chair, his eyes still darkened as they fell onto the sleeping Nicolaj. “Makes you kind of thing you gave up a little too early, too easy, right?”

“Yeah right, but how… how does that work?” Kevin mused, looking slightly confused, “If you don’t have a mark and there is no way it can be a match, why does he still push you away?”

“He said that it doesn’t matter, that it all depends on how he feels.” It was Peter that answered this, “I thought about it too, even though we don’t match and that I have already found mine, if we got close, too close… the mark would still trigger.”

“Not as…. Dramatic but something would still happen, it’s… frustrating, and risky…. And horrifying.”

“Is it worth it, do you think, the risk?”

“Of course it is.”

**x-x-x**

He was very aware of everything. Aware of his body, aware of his muscles, of the blood that was surging through his veins. Every little twitch, every little breath seemed unnatural, seemed like he shouldn’t be able to do it. Surely he couldn’t survive, surely this was something that he was just imagining. The movement of his hand had to be a cruel trick of his dying brain, right? Blood pumping through his veins had to be nothing but a fool hope that there was something left to save. He didn’t want that hope, he didn’t want a chance, because then, it would hurt all that more when it was torn away from him. 


	12. True Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please be aware this is not a new chapter, but a re-post of the last one due to some errors in the previous one <3

_Marks appear for a person when they are shown the real meaning of love, when they, either through their own actions or by someone else’s, experience what true love is, in any of it’s forms._

“Are you sure you don’t want to go first?”

“No, no I need more time, you do though – someone should be with him. Maybe me, but not yet.”

Kevin hummed at this, making sure with everyone else if they didn’t want to go first. It was nice to hear and see from everyone how much his friendship with Søren showed. Søren was the only one, here at the LCS, that Kevin thought really knew him, the real him. He had been there when Kevin had been hurt so much that he had forced his mark away, he had been there for Søren in return, when his had began to appear and disappear.

Although neither of them matched or had any romantic feelings for each other they had taught each other about love, they had showed each other through the roads that lead them to today. That was why he hurt so much to see him like this, that is why it caused his stomach to wrench in pain. Søren had always been the strongest out of then, always smiling, always full of energy, this, right here, it was so wrong

“Just do be sure to stay on this side. Interruption of the wires or equipment even in the slightest will caused complications.”

Kevin nodded at this, he didn’t need to be told twice how important the life support system was, he wasn’t even going to think about touching if.

“Okay, I will leave you be – one person in at the time and in a long period if able. Opening the door too much could cause complications of the controlled air.”

“Yes, Doctor, thank you.”

Kevin took up his spot of Søren besides, ready to start his vigil. “Am I…” He called out to the Doctor just as they were about to leave. “Am I allowed to... touch him? To hold his hand?”

“His hand is fine, just no contact around the injury or his head and neck area.”

Kevin nodded, immediately taking Søren’s hand. The picture was wrong, oh so wrong – all what he wanted was to feel Søren’s to squeeze his hand back, to see him more. He sat vigil and he prayed for some kind of indication that his hope wasn’t a foolish notion. 

Breathing out deeply, Kevin tried his best to control his feelings of fear and panic, and instead of hope and love. Happier times, better times of him and Søren. So he began to talk, of when they were together – of times of victory. He talked to fill the silence and to drown out the sound of the life support machine. If he talked loud enough it was like it wasn’t there, if he talked loud enough – he could fool himself he was just talking to a sleeping friend.

**x-x-x**

There was a weird sort of pulling in his stomach as he watched everyone converse around him. It felt almost too normal, like nothing had actually happened. He supposed for others it was some kind of coping mechanism, for him, it just made everything feel worse. He hated more than anything, that there was nothing he could do to make things better, he hated that he was so useless and pointless.

“What do I say?”

The question was directed at him suddenly and Will almost jumped at the sudden appearance of Nicolaj beside him. The mid-laner was a bundle of nerves, his eyes keep darting back to the room where Kevin had disappeared into almost an hour ago. 

“It’s not like he’s going to say anything back, but what do I saw where do I even start to apologize…”

“Apologize? I don’t think you need to do that.”

Nicolaj scoffed, “I’m the reason he’s in there.”

“Now don’t go thinking so highly of yourself,” There was an edge of teasing to Will’s voice but unlike other times they had they had argued, there was no malice in his words. “Not everything revolves around you, some self-entitled stupid fan did that to Søren, not you.”

“But the mark and it reacted…”

“From what, I saw it only reacted after the fact, it’s not like it reacted and then he got hurt.”

“But…”

“Has anyone else been injured?”

Nicolaj seemed taken back by this comment, his eyes widened in shock, “What? No…”

“So then, you have a person with a gold mark that’s refreshing to stop being by your side…. You have Zach, who would move the fucking world for you. Your whole team, from what I’ve seen, adore you and well, nothing happened there….”

“But…. Jake got hurt at the start of the year and last year, last year when Andy told me I was his best friend, he almost died and I…”

“How?”

“Excuse me?”

“How did Andy almost die?”

Nicolaj just stared at him a stunned shock, “There… there was that accident, you probably heard about it, some idiot lost control of his car and ran straight into our house…”

“Yes, well from what I was told from Zach, is that Andy tackled you out of the way, right?”

“Yeah, he… he was stupid and he could have gotten really hurt, it was a miracle that he was okay.”

“So, could have you.”

“So, what?” Nicolaj sighed in frustration, giving Will a small glare. “So, what is your point…”

“My point is, have you ever considered that it’s you that is in danger, because of your mark?”

There was a small silence between then as Nicolaj just looked at Will blankly, trying to compute even a small amount of what had just been said to him. “No, no that is ridiculous, completely stupid… Søren was the one that was injured, he is the one that is in that room fighting for his life…”

“And the events after him getting hurt led you to think about killing yourself, right?”

Nicolaj didn’t know if Will had done it on purpose or not, but this sentence was said with a little bit more volume than the rest of the conversation. It broke through everyone else causing a shocked, stunned, silence to suddenly fall on the whole room. Will moved closer to the now shaking Nicolaj, taking the risk that the midlaner wasn’t about to snap back and push hm away.

“And you stopped, because you have people that care about you – that would have been destroyed if you had done it.”

“I, I’m just really bad at pushing people away…”

“You’re not just bad, you’re terrible at it, I can almost guarantee that no one actually hates you Nicolaj.”

“You did.”

“Nah, you just frustrated me, you just pushed, but it wasn’t me that you hurt – it was yourself. It has always been yourself that gets hurt.”

Nicolaj sunk into Will’s body at this, letting himself be wrapped up in a hug. His mind was whirling, his heart was cracking. How? How had this only been brought to his attention now? Why did it suddenly make so much sense… had the way he had been handing life up until now just been one big lie?

“Why then, why is it Søren who is in pain, why didn’t I get hurt…. I should be in his place, why isn’t it me?”

“Because he loves you too much to let that happened. He loves you so much he was willing to let someone do this, because he wasn’t about to just cope out and let him take the love away. What happened was not your fault, he didn’t get hurt because you finally admitted your feelings, it was because he was a stubborn idiot, who refused to never hate you, something I think a lot of people are guilty of.”

“But, but if that is true…. But if I…. if I can’t apologize, if I can’t tell him I am sorry – then what do I even say?”

“You begin by telling him that you love him too and maybe let him know that you have stopped blaming yourself, he’ll like that.”

Nicolaj didn’t respond immediately to this, his mind whirling into overdrive as he continued to grip Will tightly. Eventually he let out a deep breath, all of his muscles relaxing as he melted into the jungler hug, “I hate you.”

“Ha, no, no you really don’t.”

**x-x-x**

He watched, behind the stolen façade he wore, the masks and clothes hiding who he was. He listened to their conversation, knowing that he could use it to his advantage, knowing who exactly he needed to get out of the way so his love could be the only one he thought about. 

He watched someone come out of the room and his target then make his way into it. Perfect, the two people he wanted in the same place, at the same time. He would get Søren to love him, even if he forced it out of him, even if it took killing his apparent match.

And if his desire didn’t wake up in time to see it, if he was stuck in limbo, in before life and death. He would just have to change that, he could work with someone who was dead. That way they really would be together, forever. He wanted, he watched he planned.

His heart grew colder and colder, his soul darker and darker. There was nothing left now but death and he would be the one administrating it.


	13. Burnt Bronze

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for sticking with me with this story, I'm sorry this has taken so long to get up. <3  
> Prepare for MAJOR feels.

_Those born with bronze marks have the unique ability to copy other marks,  
Building a canvas on those that have touched their lives, as ink on their skin._

He felt exhausted, absolutely drained and even though in the long run it meant a good thing, a strong, caring relationship, right now, in this exact moment, he hated it. He wanted nothing more than to be at the hospital right now, to be beside friends, team-mates and ex-team mates alive. But he could barely take a step without falling over and Gayle wasn’t having none of it. She was just as stubborn as her brother and that was saying something.

“You can go and visit once you’re feeling better.”

“But I don’t even know what’s going on.” Dennis breathed out deeply, closing his eyes at the pain twisting through his rib area. “Søren’s is one of my best friends and Nicolaj, as much as he doesn’t want me to, I care about him… I want to be here for them.”

“Well, that much is obvious, considering this…” She waved her hands in Dennis’s general direction. “Really, I’m surprised it’s taken this long to register for them…”

“Søren only just got his mark and Nicolaj is a stubborn idiot, so yeah – it sucks that it’s coming through at the same time. Plus, seeming they match, it hurts even more than it normally would.”

Gayle hummed at this, running a finger along Dennis’s wrist, where the star like pattern that matched the black mark on the back of her neck. “I don’t envy you at all dear, but your friends wouldn’t want you to strain yourself, I don’t want you to destroy yourself. So just hush, and rest.”

Dennis knew he couldn’t argue with her, so he just nodded smiling softly as she kissed him on the forehead, promising she would find out an update from Jake as she let him be. Dennis just breathed out deeply, pulling his shirt up to watch the two new marks form across his ribcage. Two trees, perfectly symmetrical, there branches touching was being painted in bronze on his skin. 

Another link, another friendship to add to the collection. He was glad that the two people he had known for awhile now, were finally becoming trusted friends, people his soul could rely on. He only wished that it didn’t hurt so much, he wished with everything that it would happen quickly so he could go be with his friends in person.

But for now, he guessed all he could do was keep then in his thoughts keep them in his heart and pray to whoever was listening that they would stay safe.

**x-x-x**

“What is with these damn LCS teams and you’re stupidly rare marks?” Jesper questioned, as Jake chuckled. He had just mentioned Gayle and her request for an update for a pouty Dennis, which in turn had led to an explanation of Dennis’s mark and the bronze colouring that was currently happening. “I was wondering why eh was here, however – seeming how close he is to both Søren and Nicolaj.”

“Yeah, being close to people for Dennis means being out of action for a few days however.” It was Peter that answered, “Let me tell you, it made some game days difficult…” He smiled softly, “although it was kind of a small, accomplished and arm feeling… when he came over and showed you that your mark had appeared.”

“Yeah, well I think Søren and Nicolaj together has been a pretty big hit for him.” Jake frowned, pausing in his writing of his message to his sister. “What, what really is an update I can give?”

“Uh, nothing really has changed.” Jesper wrinkled his nose, “You could tell him that Nicolaj’s with him, he might like to hear that.”

‘Yeah, yeah I think… I think I will mention that. Was…. Was it hard, Kevin?”

It was the first time someone had questioned Kevin about it, the toplaner having been unnaturally quiet since coming out of Søren’s room. Kevin sighed, running his hands through his hair. 

“It was… hard, to not, not feel hopeless. I just kept talking, about nothing really, about the past, about better times…” He laughed, although it sounded hollow. “I kept convincing myself that I could hear his voice or that his hand moved in mine or just… something that meant he was going to be okay.”

“I think we are all doing that, convincing ourselves that this isn’t actually happening, lying to ourselves.” Andy’s words were quiet, almost inaudible. “I wonder how long we can keep it up?” His question was met with silence, no one wanting to think about it. Let alone voice anything to do with it.

The group retreated into their own thoughts, keeping an eye on how Nicolaj was coping on the other side of the glass. It was Sergen who noticed the man slinking towards the door, having been keeping a stern eye on the area around him. He didn’t like it; he had a really bad feeling about it – Doctor’s didn’t slink.

“Guys, I don’t think that person is who he seems to be.” At his words, he got to his feet and surged forward.

The sudden caution and movement from the otherwise quiet top-laner caused alarm bells to ring through their heads as they all followed Sergen in rushing forward.

**x-x-x**

“I had this big heart-to-heart with everyone and they were all talking about not blaming myself… I was almost convinced, almost, until I saw you like this…” Tears had begun to fall as soon as he sat down beside Søren’s bedside, he knew that they wouldn’t stop anytime soon.

“I just… I have to feel responsible, there is nothing else for me to feel… Even if it has nothing to do with the mark, I still think… what if? What if I hadn’t pushed you away and we were together when it happened, what if… what if I was better and making you hurt me… maybe you wouldn’t have felt like you needed to defend your love for me… what if…”

Nicolaj’s voices trailed off as the tears splashed down to hit their intertwined hands. “It hurts, I hurts so much, so, so much to see you like this… more than anything has ever hurt before. I need you to be alive, I need to hear you voice, to see your smile and a life without you… out there, being happy – I don’t know if that is even worth living… I don’t know if it’s even something I could do.”

Nicolaj gripped Søren’s hand tightly, wishing more than anything for him to grip his own back. “I need you, I need you to be happy, I need you to be able to smile… I need you to be… to be able to get through this life.” His words were all jumped together, all mixed in with sobs as his tears seemed to have no end to them. English and Danish merged together, sometimes through sentences, sometimes even with single words.

“I wish I never got this mark; I wish I never learned to love, maybe then you would be okay, maybe then when could have at least been friends without this pain.” The tears splashed down onto his hand, as his mind wondered and his soul cracked, breaking a little more with every long second that ticked by. “What did I do, however could someone like me be worthy of your love, of worthy of even your smile. There are much better people in this world than me…”

“Nonsense, there is no-one better than you in this world.” The voice echoed around the room and even though it was barley audible, a breathy whisper, for Nicolaj it was the loudest thing he had ever heard. “Not in my opinion anyway.”

“Søren? Am I… please don’t tell me I’m dreaming?”

“Does it matter?” His eyes opened, staring straight into Nicolaj’s tear-filled ones, “It would be such a good dream.”

“I… I am dreaming, aren’t I?”

“Yes, I’m afraid it’s only possible for this to be happening in one.”

“I… I don’t like the sound of that, I don’t remember falling asleep though, why would I when I need to spend time with you, how could I even…”

“Oh, it happened somewhere between the confession of love and the wishing you never knew me.”

“What? I didn’t say that, I would never!”

“You wished you never got your mark, but didn’t knowing me, didn’t loving me, bring the mark?” Søren chuckled as Nicolaj made a face at this. With a sad smile, Søren brought a hand up and rested in gently on Nicolaj’s check, before moving to wipe away the tears. “You learned what love is, by loving me – the two go hand in hand, you can’t have one without the other.”

Nicolaj sighed, leaning into the touch, “Even in a dream you know exactly what to say… this feels so real, this… I wish…”

“Shh, it’s okay, it’s okay – you’re allowed to grieve, you’re allowed to cry. Just please, don’t give up on love, on the account of me.”

“What, Søren?”

Søren was looking at him with tear-stained eyes of his own, the smile now replaced with nothing but sadness. “Someone… someone out there is going to be so luck to have you.”

“N- no… I want that person to be you.”

“I’m sorry, I am not strong as you think I am.”

“No. No! you are stronger, you are amazing… if, if that is real life then I want no part of it. Then I am never waking up again, never going back – I will stay here, with you.”

Søren moved forward at this, wrapping Nicolaj up in a hug and kissing him softly on the forehead, “I love you; I truly, always have – and because I do, I have… I have to let you go. Please, go be happy – for me?”

“No! Søren!” Nicolaj’s cry of dismay faded into nothing, into a small yell as his head shot up form the side of the bed where he had rested it, fallen into the dream state at Søren’s side. The room was dark, it was cold and the constant sound of the life support machine doing its job was missing – it was gone, it had stopped.

There was nothing but silence, nothing but darkness and his breaking heart.


	14. Not a Fairy-tale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo!   
> Thanks for everyone for your continued support and comments, sorry these updates take so long. D:

_Some people believe that matching marks can create miracles, that the impossible becomes possible.  
But life is no fairy-tale._

“You’re not the doctor we have been dealing with.”

“Shift change.”

“No, not this time,” Sergen folded his arms across his chest, glaring at the man in front of them. They all held back, waiting with baited breath, seeing the toplaner so aggravated was unnerving. “I… know you, from before you’re here to hurt Søren and maybe even Nicolaj.”

“I am not here for any of the sort.”

“He is right, you are the one that hurt Søren in the first place,” It was Andy that said this and his words caused them to all move forward the man, circling around him. “I think, what is going to happen now, is that we are going to stop you from even getting close to them, and someone is going to get security and you are going to get what you deserve for what you have done to our friends.”

“How dare you stand in my way; this is my right. That is my soul, my love.”

“Søren is none of those things to you, plus you hurt him – there is no love involved in that.”

“What do you know of love?” He turned to sneer at Impact, “You have never had it, you denied it, destroyed it.”

“I was almost killed by it,” Impact growled back, rolling his shoulders and pulling himself up to his full height. “I will not let you destroy love in Søren.”

“You speak as if he is alive and that is even possible.”

“I refuse to believe that he is not, he will pull through.”

He smirked; his eyes not focused on them anymore, but instead inside the room they were standing out of. “Then I suggest you take a look for yourself.” They all turned at once, and the sight was altogether heart-breaking. Nicolaj’s body was shaking with sobs and pain, grasping at the sheets of the bed, gripping tightly onto Søren’s hands, tears staining both their hands and the sheets underneath.

“Now you see, when I look at that, I’m pretty sure its safe to say no one has pulled through.”

“Shut the hell up! You’re being pretty nonchalant if you are so set as being Soren’s match. You’re cold…”

“Death can not stop bonds my friend. The so-called love between them is what caused it – so now I don’t need to take any further measures, not my love and soul can stay with me forever. No escape, no arguments, just together forever – he belongs to me, it’s how it should be.”

“You sick, fucking….” Will shock his head, hands shaking in anger at his side, his words barley being able to come to him through the anger. “He is not your match; he does not belong to you!”

“What would you even know love, pushing people away, closing off from them.”

“That!” Will pointed into the room, where Jake had made his way into the room, now having wrapped his arms around Nicolaj in a tight hug. “That right there is love, not the toxic crap you have been spouting.”

“Oh, give me a break, gold marks are nothing but second-best and.” His words were cut off by Andy, who, having given up on listening to him talk like that, had quickly shot out and connected his fist to his nose. Immediately causing him to fall to the ground, knocked out. 

Andy breathed out deeply, his hands shaking at his side, anger boiling through his veins, “I can’t believe anyone would even think…. Ugh.” He rammed his fist into the wall beside them, causing his eyes to fall back into the window. “I don’t believe this is happening, I don’t want it to be real.”

It was a sentient they could all agree with, none of them wanted this to be real.

**x-x-x**

Nicolaj’s grip was tight but feeble at the same time. It was if he wanted nothing more than to have a tight grip on Jake but didn’t have the strength to do so. Whole body shaking with tears his words were all jumbled together, mixed in with the sobs and gasps of pain.

“I can’t…. no…. don’t make me… I don’t want to say goodbye, I don’t want to let him go…. Now, now I am all alone, so alone, I don’t have… I don’t have anyone.”

“Hey. Hey no more talk of that. You have so many people, you have me, I am right here, right here Nicolaj.”

In the shock and pain it was like he hadn’t even heard him, “ I can’t, I won’t… I am never loving anyone ever again, I swear right here and now, no one, ever, ever again. I don’t deserve to…”

Something in Jake snapped at this, the mark searing with pain across his skin. He knew the reason behind this, he knew why his mark had reacted like it had. Because the words hurt, that crushed his soul. The blame was still there, and it wasn’t going to change anytime soon. “Nicolaj, this is not your fault – it never was, you can’t give up on love, on everything just because the world tells you to.”

“Of course, it is my fault, have you been paying attention!” His voice rose an octave, pushing himself away out of the hug from Jake. “I wasn’t strong enough, or brave enough, I never loved him enough or…”

“That just not true – don’t you dare even question how much you loved Søren or how much he loved you.”

“Fuck, don’t you even talk about it – what the hell would you even know, it’s not like your soul can love people properly, not how we do…. Not how I should have been able to.”

Ouch. Jake visibly flinched at these words, the golden marks burning even more across his skin. It hurt, more than he would care to admit, even more so knowing Nicolaj was his own match. It hurt because even though he knew it was out of anger and he didn’t actually mean it, it was something Jake always hated about it. Always thought himself – hearing someone else say it, someone he cared about – made him want to scream.

Nicolaj breathed out deeply, then slowly his face fell, his eyes widened and his brain caught up with what he had just said. “Jake, I… I’m sorry I didn’t mean… you are not like that, you are amazing, I just…” He fell back into Jake’s arms, gripping him tightly and burying himself into his chest. “He asked me to love other people, to not give up, but it’s hard, it is so, so hard…”

“I know, I know you’re going to have to be strong but for now, let us hold you up. We, ahem, I love you Nicolaj, I do… let us all be that love in all its forms, until you find it again.”

“I don’t know if I can….” Nicolaj took a deep breath in, letting himself take in everything that was essentially the jungler that he was pressed tightly up to. Nicolaj closed his eyes as Jake gripped him tighter, as he let the tears stream down his face. “But I will try, for you, for him – for Søren I will try.”

**x-x-x**

“Can’t you just give him a little more time?”

The doctor shook his head, “I am sorry, in cases like this we have to access everything we can as soon as we can.” He looked tired, losing a patient, especially one like this, was so draining. “I am truly sorry for your loss; I was wishing for your miracle.” The group all sighed at this, nodding their thanks in hearing this. “And you won’t have to deal with that man again, security will make sure that he is taken care of.”

They all turned their attention to Søren’s attacker, who was being carried away from the scene by security guards, yelling and screaming words as he did so. “Seeming he believes everything he is saying so much, any charges that he gets will stick – you wont ever have to see him again.”

“That is one good thing,” Kevin muttered under his breath, before turning to look back into the room, he almost double-tacked at the sight. “Uh, guys….” His voice shock slightly, unsure about what he was seeing, “What in the world is going on?”

They all turned and gasped in shock, that led into a stunned silence. In the end it was Andy that broke it, his voice wavering as he talked, “Golden marks… sometimes are strong enough, to be… sacrificial.”

“Jake…”

**x-x-x**

Nicolaj felt the light tingling of something against his skin, when he opened his eyes the flicker of golden light greeted him. “What… what… Jake?” He pulled out of the hug, gasping at the sight. Blood dripped down from Jake’s nose, staining his suddenly pale skin, his breath was shallow and his whole body was shaking. “Jake! No what, what is going on!”

“You know, it all happened so quickly, so suddenly I thought I was fooling myself. It couldn’t possibly be me, I thought, you had all these other friends, all these other people that cared about you – it surley couldn’t be me… me who you have only known for a short time. But it happened…. I tried to deny it, to not feel this way but I can’t help it. I love you, truly I do and I know it is not the kind of love you need….”

He coughed up blood, chocking on it as he pitched forward, Nicolaj clutching him tightly as he did so, looking up at his eyes, searching for some kind of sign that everything was going to be okay. “So, I’m… I’m doing the one thing I can do, something to help, to help you.”

“Jake I don’t understand.”

“A second chance.”

It was then that Nicolaj realized the golden light wasn’t going over him, but Søren instead, the sparks of light looking like branches of a tree, spreading golden leaves across the midlaners skin as it spread.

“I…”

“Golden marks, if strong enough, can be sacrificial. I always thought it would mean saving the person you love, like risking my life for you or something – standing in your place, but no this is it, right here.”

“Jake!”

The door flew open at this, the rest of group pilling in, looking horrified at the sight.

Jake gave them all a weary smile before turning back to Nicolaj once more, “I get to sacrifice, my own soul, so you get the love that you deserve, seems like… seems like I pretty fair trade to me.”

“No… no you can’t, I don’t want to lose you either, Jake, please…”

“Hey now, you could never lose me, I’m right….” He breathed out in pain, placing one shaking hand on Nicolaj’s heart. “I’m right here…” His eyes closed, and he feel still in Nicolaj’s arms, the pain breathing all but stopped.

Nicolaj yelled in pain, pressing him closer, wishing more than anything he would wake up, laugh in the way that Jake did and tell him it was all a prank. He cried out in pain, as fire once again danced across hi body, burning across the second part of his mark – turning his shirt to nothing but ash as the flames sunk into his skin.

The mark was now complete, and it revealed the two colours, the deep red and now, a glistening Gold.

Nicolaj sat in shock, holding the still Jake, tears streaming down his face.

On the bed, Søren let out a deep breath, before whimpering in pain, curling up his body into himself.

The room was silent, shocked, pained, terrified.


	15. Conflicting Colours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you once again to everyone reading and commenting :D  
> I *should* be completing a 2,000 word assignment, but instead I'm writing stories about these adorable idiots instead XD

_Those with split mark that have unique colours can love and share their soul in multiple ways. Not much is known about how their colours react but the impossible seems to follow where they go._

“I don’t understand… I died, I know that for a fact, I died.” Søren looked around in confusion at the Doctors, as his family, at his friends. “I’m not crazy I remember feeling it, I remember saying goodbye.”

“You’re not crazy, this, well, a miracle, seems to have happened, you are alive. Thanks to one of your friends, I believe.”

“I don’t, what?”

A whole day had passed since the incident that happened in Søren’s room. The Doctors had no over explanation for his recovery, it was like he had never been hurt in the first place, like he had switched placed with someone. 

“From what the Doctors have told us, is that someone, form one of your teams, sacrificed a golden bond and in the process, saved you – gave your life, another chance.”

Søren narrowed his eyes at his Mum, who looked both thrilled and unsure of the situation she found herself in. “But that makes no sense, I don’t…. I don’t have a golden mark, Nicolaj’s was…”

“Split,” Kevin cut him off, the toplaner and the unusually quiet Peter, were the only ones allowed in the room. “Jensen’s mark is split and it was the other mark that triggered. A sacrifice for you, so he could have another chance with you, as it were”

“Oh, oh…. Is that where Nicolaj is?”

“Yeah, as soon as we were told you were okay, even though we don’t understand it, he went to stay with him, he is a little… shattered at the moment.”

“Of course, he would, I don’t… understand, with all the people with gold marks who…”

“Jake,” Peter answered, lifting his head up, his voice cracking slightly, “He’s alive but… his mark is gone, his soul… sacrificed.”

Søren breathed out deeply at this, something deep down in his stomach twisting, “He… he did that, so that Nicolaj… so that he could love me?”

“Yeah, so you better do a good job, you hear?”

Søren nodded, tears streaming down his face, he didn’t want to voice it but he really didn’t think he was worth it. His life for a soul, didn’t seem worth it, but saying that would be cheapening what Jake had done. Saying that would be like saying he didn’t think the gold love between Nicolaj and Jake wasn’t real. But it was, because he was here, there was no other way that would be possible.

More time with Nicolaj, a life time if he wanted it, the idea made his heart explode, it caused him to sob, to wrap his arms around himself and cry. He was so underserving of such beauty, such a sacrifice, but he would spend the rest of his life trying his best to earn that right.

**x-x-x**

His head hurt, but more than that, something deep within him ached, like he was missing something. His body seemed weighty, lethargic, as he tried his best to wake up – to try to name the feeling that seemed to have taken over him.

“Ugh, why do I feel like I’ve been hit by a thousand trucks and been asleep for hundreds of days.”

“Jake! You’re awake, thank goodness!” The voice reached through the fog of exhaustion and pain, he barley recognized it, although he knew it – from where he could not say. “Oh, please take it easy.” A hand was suddenly on his shoulder, steadying him as he pulled himself up into a sitting position. “The doctors said it could take months for you to get back to full strength.”

Months? What in the world had he gone and won this time? Sighing, he opened his eyes, blinking out into the light, shaking his head to try to clear his vision. He was greeted by the sight of his team, minus Peter, the worried voice and calm hand belonged to Nicolaj, the midlaner looked like he had barley slept and tear stains could be easily seen down his face. 

“Jensen?” The flinch that this caused didn’t go unnoticed, “I’ve obviously worried you, I’m sorry – looks like I over did it… whatever it was that I did anyway.”

Nicolaj visibly deflated, looking hurt, “You… don’t remember anything?”

“I… no, not to get me here, my brain is actually pretty fuzzy,” He frowned, and Jake was shocked to find he couldn’t pinpoint what his last memory was. “I… I can’t even picture the last thing I do remember.”

Beside him, Nicolaj fiddled with the blankets, his face pale, his voice soft when he spoke, “Do you remember… me?”

Jake was taken back by this comment, of course he knew who he was, he would eb a complete idiot if he didn’t, after all, they were going to be team-mates, they were hopefully going to be friends. Wait…. Wait. Jake suddenly had a horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach.

“I… how far into the season are we?”

“Fuck, I was afraid you were going to say that…” Impact’s voice echoed around the room, followed by a stream of Korean. Beside Jake, Nicolaj got to his feet and began to pace up and down in distress, muttering to himself.

Core, placing a reassuring hand on the midlaners shoulder, took his spot beside Jake, “Hey.”

“Hi,” Jake had a feeling he was going to hate this conversation, “So…”

“We’ve known each other for roughly three months, I like you – we’re friends.”

At the word friends, something crumbled deep inside him, hurt, loss, something forgotten. “I’m sorry I… no how could I have forgotten such a thing, how….”

“Sacrifice.”

“Sacrifice”

“Your mark, your soul… sacrifice, now…. Now you don’t remember, now if the stories are true, you can’t connect to people, like you used to.”

“Can’t…” Jake breathed out deeply, and pressed a hand to where he knew, or thought he knew, where his mark was. One quick check told him all he needed to know; it was gone. Strangely, he could barely bring up the image of what it looked like or even what colour it looked like. It was completely gone from his mind.

“I, have no soul?” The thought should have terrified him, but he felt just… numb.

“Søren…” Nicolaj’s voice was cracked, “Søren was dying, had…. Had died, he was gone and you… you sacrificed your soul…” He moved forward, placing a hand over his heart, “a golden love so that he could live… so that he and I could… so we got a second chance.”

Jake blinked in confusion, gold? Did that mean he could never be friends with anyone again? “I don’t know, I don’t know how I feel, how…. I …. Why aren’t I sad, scared…. Lonely?” His voice cracked slightly at the end and he found himself being engulfed in a hug with Nicolaj, tears streaming down his face.

“I’m so sorry, thank you, I swear to you I’ll do whatever it takes to fix this, I swear, I am not losing you, I refuse for that to happen.”

Jake just gripped him tightly back, wanting, urging himself to feel something in return, but it was nothing, nothing but an empty, emotionless shell.

**x-x-x**

“Are you sure you are okay to leave? I mean, Søren, it wasn’t too long ago that you were dead, actually dead, now you just want to get up and start wondering around?”

“I need to see him, please.” Søren pouted slightly, “And besides, I actually feel really good, like super refreshed.” Søren shook his head, confusion filtering through him. “Look, I don’t understand it either but I feel fine, I am okay – really…”

“Magic and mumbo jumbo.” Jasper muttered, gripping his friends’ hands tightly, “Okay, I’m not arguing with you, only because I know how fruitless it is do so once you have made up your mind.”

“Yes, you’re the best – cover with the doctors for me?” Søren gave his teammate a hug before making his way out of his room, making sure to look both ways down the corridors, before quickly ducking down and around the corners.

He had Jake’s room number, which he got from Peter, who had left last night in want to check up on his teammate, he was glad he knew where he was going, to thank the person who had saved his life and to reunite with Nicolaj. Speaking of, his fellow midlaner was walking right up to him, head down as he muttered to himself.

“Nicolaj?”

Nicolaj froze at the sound of Søren’s voice and looked up shock filling his eyes at the sight, “Søren? What are you, what are you even doing…? Oh.” Nicolaj’s confused words were cut off by Søren throwing himself at him in a hug, quietly crying as he did so. “Hey, what is with the tears, isn’t that my job?”

“I’m happy, so, so happy to see you, to hold you, to have a chance to love you, but I’m sad as well.”

“Sad?”

“That you had to lose a friend for it to happen.”

“Oh yeah, that… he doesn’t remember me.”

“What!”

“Well, from the start of the year for him, it’s all kind of a blur…”

“Oh Nicolaj, I can’t imagine how tough that is for you.” Søren looked around, “Is that why you left?”

“Nah, Peter came in told me I needed to eat, kind of forced me out of the room, I was making my way downstairs to see if they had anything decent here.”

Søren smiled softly, taking one of Nicolaj’s hand and giving it a small squeeze, “mind if I join you?”

“I would love that, but are you strong enough to be up?”

“I feel fine, I think eating would be good for me too and besides, I… we, we have a lot of time to make up for, a lot of stolen years to get back.”

Nicolaj nodded at this and the two made their way downstairs, hand in hand, soul in soul.


	16. Removed Marks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, sorry that this has taken so long to get up! We're getting near the end of this story, which I am both excited and sad about. :D

_Marks can be removed multiple ways, the two most known is through rejection and sacrifice. In rare cases, if their love is mended, the mark can return._

“I feel… nothing man, it’s unnerving and terrifying but at the same time I just don’t care, there is just…” Jake sighed, leaning back into the pillow and looking over at Peter. “I don’t know what to do? Everything is just gone, memories, months and months of….”

“Hey, easy, Jake…” Peter moved forward, placing a hand on Jake’s shoulder as he began to have a panic attack in front of him. “This is new territory for us, we don’t know anything. Maybe after time your memories will come back, maybe you can get those feelings back.”

“I don’t know if this something that can be changed Peter,” Jake sighed, “Even know I’m looking at you, someone that… I know I should care about – that we’re great friends but there is nothing there, no feelings, no…. anything. How am I supposed to change that – how am I supposed to live like that.”

Peter didn’t want to admit how much it hurt hearing Jake say such things, through their time together they had become true friends, something Peter had always cherished due to Jake’s mark. But all of that was gone now and as much as he wanted to eb positive he also wanted to cry.

“I don’t know but I’m not giving up on you, I refuse to do so, I refuse to stop being friends. So, I am going to try and I hope that you try too.”

“I…” Jake sighed, he could try and he would but he felt right there and then that it would be all for nothing. “I will try, I promise, not just with you but everyone.”

“Nicolaj especially,” Core piped up from the back of the room, coming in with a small smile on his face. “He is still your match no matter what has happened.”

Jake looked thoughtful at this, “A match strong enough it become sacrificial I… can’t… I can’t even comprehend. I don’t even have a memory of meeting him of getting to know him… it’s just blank, like an empty page.”

“Well, do you think it would help, if we talked, shared things we know about?” Core asked, sitting in the seat next to Peter, beside Jake’s bedside. He smiled, taking one of Jake’s hands, “Your friends, as bedtime stories.”

Jake laughed at this, although he was still pessimistic about the whole thing he answered, “sure, why not.”

****

x-x-x

“I know we haven’t really talked about it and I don’t know if the whole burnt mark curse thing is gone, but do you want to be together, I mean, like… boyfriends, partners… soulmates?”

Søren resisted the urge to cry, Nicolaj sounded so unsure of himself but there was only one answer, there was no way he was letting him go. Søren took Nicolaj’s hand from across the table. “Of course, I want all of that, I love you, I need to be able to love you, I want nothing more than to live with you. I’m yours.”

“Even if?”

“No matter the consequences, or the circumstances, neither of the dangers. I am yours, now, forever, for as long as you will have me.”

“I will have forever,” Nicolaj sniffed, “I was so stupid, pushing you away, pushing everyone away. I let the mark control my life, I mean it did cause but I don’t know all that lost time, not just with you but with everyone.”

“You have a lot of relationship that you can men now, it’s going to be hard but I believe you can do it. You can be the real you, the kind you, the kind you. The you that I fell in love with.”

“Sometimes I feel like I’ve forgotten that me, I boxed him up for so long.”

“He’s in there, he showed enough for your team to care…” Søren bit his lips. “For Jake to, love you, that much.” It was the first time they had brought it up, Søren hesitant in knowing how much it hurt for Nicolaj to hear. “I need to see him, to thank him for saving my life…”

“It’s hard, seeing him – he was so… nonchalant about the whole thing, it’s not just me he’s forgotten but it’s like the whole idea of friendship itself has been ripped out of him, it is so… it makes me so sad.”

Søren moved at this point, changing seats and shifting it so he was sitting right beside Nicolaj, pulling him into a hug as tears welled in the midlaners eyes. “He’s strong, everyone around him is, I have no doubt you can give him back that knowledge again.”

“Is that even how it works?”

“Marks come and go, I’m proof of that - what happened with Kevin as well, that proves that marks, souls can be changed, can return… you just have to believe and you just have to be the best friend you can possibly be.” Søren kissed Nicolaj at this softly on the hips, “Be that amazing best you and you can do anything.”

****

x-x-x

“That was a good idea Core and a really nice thing to do.” Peter and Core had been asked to leave Jake’s room, due to him being too weak, unable to stay awake for long periods of time. At the same time his senses were over powering, causing even the smallest sounds and movements to wake him.

As much as they wanted to be with Jake, they knew the best for his health, was if they weren’t. “I think, we need to be careful and brave.”

“Brave?”

“To not show how much it is affecting us, you especially and Nicolaj,” Core shook his head, “We don’t want Jake blaming himself and feeling guilty about not remembering.”

“You’re right, I don’t want to put any more pressure or anything on him.” Peter sighed, leaning onto Core slightly as they walked down the hallway, “But I’m allowed to be sad around you right?”

“Yeah,” Core pulled him closer and neither of them missed the slight glow of the green mark as Core’s arms. “I’ve got you.”

Peter hummed at this, leaning even further into Core’s as they made there way back down the corridors, “Do you want to go home to Bonnie?”

Peter knew the answer to this should be yes but right now, he couldn’t bear to leave the hospital, to be even further from Jake, from Søren and Nicolaj. “No, No I want, I want to stay here, with you – with friends.”

“Okay,” Core’s mark glowed even brighter. “Okay, you stay with me.”

****

x-x-x

His sleep wasn’t at all peaceful or restful it was the exact opposite. Painful, tearful, his own subconscious was mocking and scorning him, giving him flushes and glimpses of smiles and laughter only for it to been snatched away, falling into the darkness. Something burned in him, somewhere deep down ached and cried out. He was incomplete, he was not himself. There was a piece of him missing.

He tossed and turned in bed and the visions and showing memories continued to plague him.

“No no I don’t want to lose you!”

“Hush now, you could never lose me.”

His own voice echoed around his head and a cruel laugh took over the quiet, caring tone. He had lied, because he was lost, lost to them, lost to himself. He was not who he was supposed to be, but when he woke, he forgot all of these things, he forgot those words, the forgot the pain.

Because there was just nothing, simply nothing.

****

x-x-x

“You heading home?”

“Yeah, I think what I was here for is done. That sounds horrid but, I think home is calling me and you have enough people here to keep you safe.”

“Thank you for coming, you really didn’t have to, you helped a lot.”

“Ah well, got to make up for all those tears I was an asshole to you, right?”

Will grinned at Nicolaj before that grin turned into a sombre smile, “And hey, don’t give up hope, okay. My mark changed because of you; I get another shot at this whole soul thing. Jake can get that too; I know he can.”

“Thank you,” Nicolaj gripped him in a tight hug, before adding hesitantly. “I look forward to… becoming friends.”

“So, do I,” He nodded, said his goodbye to the rest of the group and was off, back home.

After some other conversations, a few more of the group also returned home, each giving the same sentiment to not give up there was much hugging and joy of seeing Søren okay and even more promises of looking forward to actually get to know Nicolaj.

In the end the large group turned into a small number, as they rested together in the waiting room. Peter had fallen asleep, yet again, in Core’s arms. While Impact and Kevin had a quiet conversation together. Nicolaj found himself a bundle of nerves as he squeezed Søren’s hand.

“I feel like, my life has changed like I’m starting over I don’t know how it’s going to go.”

“You’ll be alright, I believe in you, plus, this way, you will find yourself a lot easier, being able to show it, to so many different people.” 

Nicolaj sighed, leaning back against Søren into a hug. “It will be tough, but with you helping me, I think I can do it.”

“I’m not going anywhere, I’m with you every step of the way, I promise.”


	17. All in the Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for everyone still reading this!  
> We're slowly wrapping things up, I am loving writing all of these small interactions! :D

_There are some that believe that marks actually have no affect and it’s our minds, waiting to believe something so much that it makes it real._

“I’m just so tired all of the time, it’s frustrating.”

“You can’t rush these things, the Doctors said it could be months, so you have to be patient. I mean, of course you are exhausted, I’d be horrified if you weren’t after everything that has happened.” She narrowed her eyes at him in an intense glare, “Don’t ever, EVER, put us through that again – you hear?”

Jake just rolled his eyes at his sister, “What? You don’t want me to save Søren’s life next time, noted.”

“No!” She gasped, hitting him in the shoulder. “Jake! That is not what I meant…” Biting her lip, eyes downcast she added, “I am happy for Søren, for everyone that is okay and I am so happy that you finally stopped holding back and actually loved someone enough to trigger your mark like that but… oh I just wish it hadn’t meant any of this, I wish there was something that I could do, something or someone that could help you.”

“I know, I know you do.” He motioned for her to join him and she jumped at the chance, quickly running over and hugging him tightly, tears pricking her eyes.

“I love you Jake, don’t make me have to live without my amazing brother, okay?”

Something turned in his stomach, a twist at the idea of love, a longing to fell some kind of emotion. He swallowed, gripping into the hug tightly, “I love you too.” 

****

x-x-x

“Come here you two!” Dennis grabbed both Søren and Nicolaj and pulled them into a bear hug. “I’m so happy to see you both well.” He stayed in the hug with the two of them for a while before suddenly pulling out of the hug and hitting them both on the shoulders. “It’s about damn time you two, seriously, why do you both have to be so stubborn.”

“It’s just a part of us I suppose.” Nicolaj answered with a chuckle, actually enjoying the feeling of still having an arm wrapped around his from Dennis, the jungler gave pretty good hugs. “It’s nice to see you too Dennis – Jake told us you were out for the count for a while.”

“Yeah, check it out.” He lifted up his shirt slightly to reveal the twisting trees on his ribs, the entangling of their two marks. “Both of you at once, pretty painful to be honest.”

“It looks pretty neat,” Søren commented, as he inspected the two trees intertwining. “See now you’re stuck with me forever; Dennis would look kind of silly if you don’t.”

“Oh, as if I’m ever letting you go.” Nicolaj replied with an eyeroll, “I am quite happy to be stuck with you, don’t you worry about that.”

“Ah, I am so happy for the two of you, sure it took one of you dying,” Dennis glared at them at this, “But you got there and now you need to start a new, let more people in.”

Nicolaj sighed, “That’s the plan, yeah – I’m scared that the mark could hurt you again, that it could trigger again… it’s already done so much damage, I’ve done so much damage.” Tears welled in his eyes and he looked down, breathing out deeply, his mind going through all that had happened and all that was yet to. “Is… is Gayle with Jake?”

Dennis swallowed, “Yeah, she just really wanted to see him.”

“I found it really, really hard, having him not know me – it hurt.” It even hurt admitting it, saying it aloud made it even more real, gave the feeling more power. “I don’t want it to be real, but then again, saying that is like saying I don’t want Søren to be here… it’s just… it’s just not fair.”

“You are strong, Jake is strong… you will get through this, the both of you.” Dennis pulled him into another hug, “You just have to have faith, you have to believe in him.”

****

x-x-x

More dreams plagued him, more memories. He tossed and turned and wanted to scream.

_I, I almost did something really, really stupid._

_I’ve got you, I’m here and I am never letting you go._

Jake gasped, breathing out deeply and shooting up in bed, hand placed on his heart as he tried to control his erratic breathing. In and out, in and out – the imaged of Nicolaj in tears, clinging to him, plagued his thoughts. He should feel something, some kind of pain, some kind of relied, or fear or… something. But there was nothing, nothing but the images, his own voice, broken and shaking. It sounded foreign even to him.

“I need to remember, I need to feel something again, I just have to…” In his frustration he threw the covers of his bed and stumbled to his feet, shaking slightly he began to pace up and down. He wanted to feel something, anything, even the smallest amount of emotion would be amazing but nothing was coming to him.

Jake wanted to scream, he wanted to break something, he wanted to lash out at the world. It wasn’t fair! It wasn’t fair that as soon as he had found his match, he had lost it, it wasn’t fair that all the friendships and all the people he cared around were just gone. It was like his life had, never existed, like he hadn’t made a mark on anything or anyone. 

Yelling in frustration, Jake took the pillow off the bed and threw it at the door, narrowly missing the person who had just walked through.

“Whoa.”

“Shit, sorry, I just… that wasn’t…”

“Should I come back later?”

“No, no it is not fine… I welcome the company it helps.” Jake turned and quickly fixed the mess on the bed, making it more comfortable to sit on. “Ah hi, come in, over here would be… ah great.”

Søren took a deep breath, before moving over to sit down on the bed next to Jake, “Hi…” There was a small, somewhat awkward pause before Søren added, “So… I figured I owed you a thank you, and an apology.”

“Apology… I don’t understand?”

“Well, I get my happy ending and you gave up yours – feels kind of like an unfair price, so I’m sorry that you had to pay it.”

“To be fair, I didn’t do it for you. Don’t get me wrong I am glad you are alive, I just didn’t do it… for you.” Jake sighed, “I’m sorry that probably sounded really rude, I don’t really have a gauge on those kinds of things anymore.”

“It’s okay, I know…you did it for Nicolaj, but I still have to thank you for my second chance. For our second chance together.” Søren placed a hand over his heart and added. “I swear to you, we wont waste that chance, we will never take it for granted.”

Jake nodded, knowing enough that it was true, the dream and visions he had been having told him enough, how much this meant to them. He knew he wouldn’t be letting each other go, he just wished he could the, hold someone just as close.

“Søren, could you do me a favour, it’s going to sound weird?”

“Of course, anything?”

“Can you, share with me, why you love him, why you’re matched with Nicolaj?”

Søren breathed out deeply at this, “I… yes, I can… but do you want to know a secret?” Søren leaned back on his hands, “I never have believed in marks, never did and even after all of this, I wonder if it’s us that gives them the power rather than the other way around.”

“Why do you say that?”

“I’ve loved Nicolaj for years, before I knew what mark I had, before I knew his…. Nothing changed that love, nothing ever will, I loved him, with everything before I even had a mark more than I ever thought possible to love anyone.” Søren took a risk, moving close to Jake and placing an arm around him, he inwardly cheered as the jungler snuggled into him. “So, I see no reason why you can’t do it as well.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence but that’s not answering my question.”

“It’s a long story.”

“And?” Jake chuckled, “I am not going anywhere.”

“Okay, story time.”


	18. Bounce Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for everyone that is still reading this, sorry updates have been a little far and few between for these last one. Just wanted to say the final chapters have been all written, I just need to find some time to type them all out :D

_They say that if bonds are strong enough then soul marks can ‘bounce’ of each other. Affecting those that they aren’t actually bonded with._

“It seems weird and wrong.”

“Huh, you’re telling me.”

“Are you sure this is okay, Doctor?”

The Doctor sighed, taking the completed forms from Søren, “Everything is normal, you are in perfect health.” He turned, addressing Søren. “There’s no need to keep you here anymore, it’s just a waste of both of our times.”

“Well, I guess I can’t argue with that,” Kevin wrinkled his nose, giving a confused to his best friend, sitting on the bed, having just signed discharge forms. “Still, really, really, weird.”

“This is a very unique case; you will be the hot topic around her for quite awhile it will seem.” 

Søren laughed at this, “Well I will take that as a good think, if that is all I need?”

“Yes, take care…” The two shock hands, Kevin thanking the Doctor as well before leaving the room and beginning to make their way out of the hospital. 

The sun felt almost too warm on Søren’s skin, as he shielded his eyes from it, “Weird the world didn’t stop nothing has changed, but for me, everything has. I feel like if I just live my life the same way now, I won’t be using my chance.”

“So, how are you going to live then? What are you going to do?”

Søren thought for a moment, before smiling softly. “I’m going to love with more truth, not just with Nicolaj, but friends to, even strangers, life is too unpredictable… too dangerous to go around being negative.” He leaned into a side hug with Kevin and added with a grin, “and dates, lots and lots of dates with Nicolaj.”

Kevin laughed, “You guys have a lot of time to make up for, that is for certain.” He sighed, “I do look forward to it, however.”

“Look forward to what?”

Kevin indicated his head, to where a group of players, including Nicolaj, who were waiting for them, “I look forward to getting to know him, properly.”

“That’s really brave of you Kevin, I know more than anyone how much you… avoid getting to know people.”

Kevin just nodded, placing an arm around Søren and squeezing his shoulder tightly, “Well who knows, maybe I will be changing how I live my life too.”

Everyone who had been there remembered it, the day his mark, beautiful deep green, that he had used to heal people had been ripped away from him abused and used, but never loved back. Maybe, Kevin thought, this was his chance, to get that feeling back, to love some one so much that you wanted nothing more than to protect someone from harm,

It had been such a long time since he had felt like that and how he longed to feel it once again.

**x-x-x**

“That sounds horrid, oh I can’t imagine being either of you in that situation.” Lynn gave Nicolaj a painful look as he passed him a drink. All through dinner they ha managed to make it through without bringing up the marks. But now it had been mentioned, granted she was just glad that Zach had actually managed to convince (more drag) Nicolaj to have dinner with him – he needed the normality.

“I am sure you will find a way around it, look at what you have already accomplished!” Her smiled was hopeful and genuine.

“Thanks Lynn, I know… if I try, if I push back all those years of just… automatically ignoring people, then I can be myself. Hopefully by doing that, Jake can be himself as well. Not that it is all on me, he has other friends too, those that have known him for much longer.”

“And…. Søren is okay, right?”

He nodded, “Yes, it’s like it never happened, it is kind of unnerving if I am honest. I keep wanting to just… protect him and worry about him.” Nicolaj shook his head and gripped his glass tightly. “And I guess that is well, something can still happen, right?”

“I don’t know if that is how it works,” Zach looked thoughtful, “It is no longer scared, it’s just split into two colours.”

“Yeah but, I don’t know… it just feels like something is going to happen, something I can’t stop, something wrong.”

“You are such a worry wart.”

“Zach, I’m serious!”

“So am I, do you think maybe there is a chance that you are just so used to thinking the worst that now it’s just automatic? Maybe you just need some time, time to realize it’s not all doom and gloom.”

“He might be right sweetie, give it some time, enjoy this new life that you have. Hold onto him tightly, protect him still, but know that it won’t be from you.” Lynn smiled at him. “You need to cherish your love,” taking Zach’s hand in hers she added, “don’t let anyone take it from you and you can get though anything. You are strong, so strong, I believe in you, we both do and so many others do as well.”

“The burning passion of red and the bright gold of friendship,” Zach nodded at him, “No one can take that away from you and now that you are free from the burn you are going to do so many great things.” Deciding that enough words had been said, Zach quickly moved to tightly wrap Nicolaj up in a hug.

Maybe things really were going to turn out okay.

**x-x-x**

“Core, to what do I owe the pleasure?” If Jake was honest it was strange to see the support without his ADC, perhaps Peter was on his way as well. “Is it just you?”

“Yes, I managed to convince Peter to go home, staying here days on end is not good for him.” Core offered a small smile. “He needs Bonnie too.”

“And what about you?”

“Peter doesn’t need me right now, but you do.”

“Core you have helped me so much already, you keep telling me stories and you are the only one to really… be normal with me. It seems that no one else known what to do.”

“I am glad that I have helped in those ways but I meant in a different way, I meant in a more practical way.”

“Practical?”

“Peter is my match, a few moments with him and I knew it, I just felt it right away.” Core paused, looking thoughtful, “and the team, they are all my friends, they are all so open and okay with their feelings towards each other, it is not something that happened back home. People were so closed off, so worried.” He shook his head, “It was sad, a lot of my friends over there, they lost marks and matched because they were too afraid to admit their feelings, to take chances.” He looked determined, nodding as he added, “you too that risk, you were brave and… and you still lost something, and that is just not right.”

“Core I…. thank you, for saying that I am brave, I wouldn’t really think of myself as such… but I don’t understand how this is helpful?”

“Let me help, because I think I can…” Core moved forward and took Jake’s hand, the small moon mark on his arm already glowing. “I feel, I feel like this teams… togetherness, how much you all care about each other, how easily you accepted me. I just feel, like this might be it.” Core placed his other hand over his mark, looking up, tears stinging in his eyes as Jake stared at in him shock and awe. “Let me heal you, please.”

The room was engulfed in a bright, soothing light that encased the two of them, washing over every other colour. It pulsed and flickered for a few moments before blinking out, imploding in on itself. An eerie silence followed, the two fo them staring at each other as if waiting for the over to comment first.

“I don’t, I don’t know if I feel any different…” Jake’s voice shock in fear, in confusion. “I don’t know, but thank you, for you to think that I deserve that I… oh…”

“I’m not convinced it hasn’t worked,” Was the comment from Core as he engulfed Jake in a tight hug, “you look different.”

“Oh?”

“You’re feeling something,” Core breathed out deeply, “I can tell.”

“Really, how so?”

“You’re crying.”

There were tears streaming down Jake’s face, he hadn’t even realized, they had gone unnoticed, “I…”

“It’s okay,” The support commented, increasing how tight the hug was, “I have you.”

And for the first time since being here, Jake believed him. He believed someone, “Can, can we not tell anyone, not yet… I don’t know what is going to happen.”

“Okay.”

“And can you stay with me?”

Core shifted in the hug, moving so that it was more comfortable, so that the two of them sat side by side on the bed, “Yes, I can stay.”


	19. Simple Things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter of finishing up all the lose-ends so to speak, and the end of the story-line. The final chapter is a short conversation that kind of just gives a burst of happiness to the ending that I think it needed - it should be up soon! But enjoy this happiness until then! :D

_All in all, our marks come down to one simple thing, the love, the friendships, the memories we make along the way._

The kiss was deep as he pulled him in, emotions soaring and heart pounding. After they parted, he sighed, leaning his head on Søren’s shoulder, smiling as he began to hum.

“Well this is a nice surprise.”

“Oh?”

“Here I thought I would have to work extra hard for you,” Søren nudged him slightly, causing Nicolaj to giggle. “I thought you might not want to show acts of affection in case of… something happening.”

“Well, you’re not going to stop no matter how I protest – so you know… I really wanted to, so I did.”

Søren laughed, “Well please don’t stop just doing what you feel, I’m not complaining.” He snuggled into him, loving the feeling of Nicolaj’s arms wrapped around him, loving being able to just be, to have someone like this while knowing it was real. He could hardly believe that it was real, hardly believe they had got their miracles, “I’m still kind of afraid, I’m going to wake up and it’s all just a dream.”

“Hold me tighter then.”

Søren complied with this gripping Nicolaj tighter, kissing him softly on the lips. “I wish we could stay like forever, always.”

“Me too but that would almost be a fairy-tale and I think we’ve had our fair share of such things. Guess we let someone else have one.”

Søren pouted slightly, “I suppose just a few more minutes though, please.”

“Okay just, a few more.”

The two sat together for a moment, looking out into the view of the sun crashing through the trees, bouncing off the water of the river. It was nice, peaceful, it was a look to what was to come - forgiveness, belief in each other, memories like would hold true through anything that the world would throw at them.

“So, are you guys back to practising?”

“Yeah,” Nicolaj sighed, “Jake still gets tired after a long day so we don’t do as many scrims but we’re getting there, we will be full strength for play offs, ready to kick your butt.”

“Oh ho…” Søren hit him softly on the shoulder at this. “Someone’s feeling cocky.”

“We wanting to kick your butt on the rift is something that hasn’t changed. I am not going to start going easy on you.”

“Dully noted.”

They fell into another easy silence before Søren broke it. “I like this place, what made you think of it?” The two sat on a bench outside a small pop-up café on the side of, the river that flowed just outside the city. Søren had a vague memory of it, but couldn’t quite pinpoint why. 

“This place, this is where we first met.”

“What?”

“It was some kind of LCS wide photo-shoot, and it was the first time we actually met face to face.” Nicolaj breathed out deeply, “It was love at first sight, not that I admitted such things at the time.”

“Wow, I can’t believe you would remember such a thing, so… is this our place then?”

“Hmm, if you want it to be.”

“Done, if you even need to find me, if you ever need comfort, just come here.”

“Is that a promise?”

“I promise, you’ll always find a place of comfort in me – forever.”

They shared another kiss, before returning to the sight in front of them, just a little longer, they would stay this was together.

**x-x-x**

“Have you told him yet?”

“I don’t even know how to.”

“I’m sure if you just blurt it out it will be fine, or even just no word, show him by actions.”

“Hmm, that might be easier.” Jake wrapped his arms around his knees, sitting perched on the computer chair, looking thoughtful. It had been one-week since he had been feeling up to playing League again, just in time for the play offs around the corner. It wasn’t perfect yet, but he felt confident in his abilities to perform, especially with the team around him.

But it was just also just in time for a lot of his memories and feeling to come back. He had thought it would be a slow, sure process, but it had all come crashing into him at once. It had been like whiplash, like a switched been flickered and although his mark wasn’t back, the feeling was.

He had already told the rest of the team and his family, with much excitement and tears. Now, all that who was left to tell that he thought was important was Nicolaj, and if he was honest, he was the most important. For some weird reason Jake was nervous, as if expecting the midlaner to react badly, as it expecting him to not want that friendship anymore. He had no idea where the thought had come from.

“Look if it was me, I would just hug him tightly so that he gets the message – cause to be honest when you told me I couldn’t understand a word you said through all your blubbering.” Peter grinned at him, “although the tears themselves kind of gave it away.”

“Rude,” Jake glared at Peter, pouting slightly before suddenly going stiff, all words and thought leaving him as Nicolaj made his way into the room, greeting them all. As everyone else greeted him normally, he stumbled over the simple words, “Hey….. hey there, you…”

Nicolaj rose an eyebrow at the jungler for this odd behaviour, the stutter did no go unnoticed. “Hey?”

“Um, ah…”

“Jake are you okay?”

“Yes! Ah, that was very loud, sorry, yes I am alright, I am more than alright, I’m great and wonderful and…” His voice trailed off as he wondered if he was confusing or even worrying the midlaner in front of him. “I don’t know, I can’t…. ah fuck it.”

Nicolaj flinched slightly as Jake surged forward, the chair he had been sitting on crashing to the ground as the jungler engulfed him in a hug. This was unexpected, amazing, but unexpected. “Ah, Jake?”

“I love you, I’ve only known you for a few short months but I just… you’re my best friend and I am sorry I forgot that for a but but I remember now. I remember everything, even through all the pushing away and the fake coldness, I held onto you. And I let you in just as much as you let me in, and I’m never ever living without that, I can’t… no matter the cost.”

“You… you remember everything, does that mean your mark?”

“That mark itself isn’t back,” It was Peter that answered, Jake was too busy clinging to Nicolaj and silently crying. “But all the feelings are there – his soul has been healed, if think I am right in saying that Core did it, I don’t really know how it all works…”

“You did?” Nicolaj glanced over at the support, who just shrugged.

“My family was hurting, so I fixed it, I healed it… so you would all be happy again.”

“It happened awhile ago,” Jake had regained control over his voice. “I just didn’t want to tell everyone straight away on casie it was all in my head and something changed back. But…. The feelings have stayed, the want to connect people has stayed, the idea of friendship is back, so yes, I think my soul has been healed.”

“Wow,” Tears seemed to well in Nicolaj’s eyes as he increased the tightness of his hug with Jake, holding him closer, glad that he was finally able to do so after everything he had done for him. “I… I’m so glad to have you back, to be able to be so close to you.”

“Yeah well, Core is all kinds of amazing, to have a strong enough soul to heal someone he doesn’t match.”

“Peter makes is strong, not me.” Peter blushed at this, muttering something under his breath that no one caught as Core continued, a grin directed at the ADC. “This team is family, I think, in some ways, we all match each other – even if it not a full match, even if it doesn’t show. After what we have gone through, we are linked.”

“Family huh? Us crazy bunch… I think that sounds about right.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for all your wonderful comments, for reading and for cheering me on during the writing of this story.  
> I hope you enjoy the end of this story, it's just a nice happy conversation between our two adorable boys. <3

_Come find me where I promised your forever, and we’ll dance in the stars._

“Wait what… what is this?”

“A ring, what, doesn’t it look like one?”

“I didn’t mean that you idiot, I meant what kind of ring is it?”

“Can’t a ring just be a ring?”

“Rings mean something Søren, just tell me what I’m accepting before I…”

“Fine, marry me.”

“Excuse me!”

“You heard me.”

Søren was staring at him with a smug look on his face, a charming grin that could (and had) melted the coldest of hearts. Nicolaj just stared back in complete bafflement.

“Is that your idea of a proposal?”

“Hey you asked what it was, I answered.”

“I mean I, you…. ah… normally there is some kind of grand speech, thing or big deal or… something.”

“Life is too short to make grand speeches, and besides you hate making a big deal out of things.”

“Well yes, but…”

“Do you love me?”

“Of course, with everything I have.”

“And do you want this forever?”

“For as long as the world lets me.”

“Then there is your answer Nicolaj, we were made for each other, we changed one another, We love without barriers, without second guessing, we love so much it hurts and it’s painful and it’s dangerous. Is there really any other option, is it really even a question?”

“I…”

His head was spinning, his mind completely blown, his heart – soaring. He wanted this, he wanted it so bad.

“So…”

“Yes.”

“Huh…”

“Yes Søren, I want to marry you.”

“Really?”

“What, expecting me to say something else?”

“No, I just… I think this whole thing was kind of an accident.”

“So, the ring really was just a ring?”

“Yeah, but… I kind of do just, want to get married, like…. It’s so right.”

“Well then, better make it official.” Nicolaj held out a hand to Søren, shaking slightly, as Søren immediately took it, running his fingers up and down his palm, soothing the shakes. Nicolaj breathed out deeply, he couldn’t believe just how a single touch from this man caused him to completely break down, “You really want this – a life time together?”

Søren nodded, sliding the ring, which fitted perfectly, onto Nicolaj’s finger, “A life time, and a thousand more of them if this damn world lets me, together.”

_I may have accidentally proposed to my boyfriend_

_I may have accidentally said yes_


End file.
